Okay, so even though I've read this, I'm reading it again, and if you don't mind, I'd like to go through it in order:
First of all, I love the style. The whole thing sounds very...mature, which is a great contrast to the story it's paying homage to.
I was going to complain about the long line of almost unbroken unmarked dialogue, but have decided not to. However, I do have one qualm anout it: I don't think you need to have them discuss quite everything about the location and such...I would have figured out that it was in Greenwich Village just as well if you had narrated it. But not really a big thing.
I really love your descriptions of all the people and their clothes, especially at the ball. It really gives a sense of too-good-to-be-trueness.
I do think the plaque on the door is a bit melodramatic, and a bit long too. Perhaps something slightly more cryptic?
I think it's kind of odd that you say, "I saw that even his teeth matched his white motif," seeing as in today's society white is usually the popularly assumed color for teeth. It seems that you should stress more that they were unusually white, or something like that.
I love the sudden contrast of the woman who felt like fire to the cold atmosphere perpetuated in the rest of the story. Great effect. It sort of seemed to me that she should have been the one to help him what with the sudden imagery, but I could be wrong.
I love how he doesn't see anything until he's told about it...

And I adore the new ending. It's very powerful.
Well, enough said. Sorry this is so long, but I only do this with stories I really like. :)

Why would they enter the door if it had such an ominous warning?

If the room was cold enough to see their breath, it would have to be near fifty or forty degrees. That's not exactly comfortable.

Wouldn't it even occur to him that half the stuff that is happening is a little weird, a little off? If he thought that, it doesn't seem like he's acting in a way that would make sense. Since he clearly can't run, since he's the room has no door, wouldn't he at least protect his wife?

Wouldn't he notice all the magic that was happening around him? Is this a fantasy world where elves are known to exist, or is this story set in the real world?

Well, I hope my questions help. I like giving constructive criticism, so I hope it was useful. Overall, it was good, I just think you could have done a better job describing things in your story. The words sounded kinda sterile, so try using some colorful metaphors or something. Otherwise, it was fine.

-Ramen

Interesting...nice ending

Very captivating and tragic story. I'll be sure to look out for future pieces from you.

Good writing and an interesting piece.

A few things bugged me though, like why they decided to go to a ball on a whim? And Jane's personality was very flat and almost nonexistent, that and I couldn't understand her motives. It just seems unlikely that they'd even be engaged, if since childhood she only loved him with "half her heart" (things like that can be pretty obvious if you've known the person for a long time, even if they aren't outright telling you about them).

I'm not hating on the story, it had very lovely imagery and was well written. All I'm saying is, my "suspension of disbelief" wasn't buying it.