this was just...wow.
amazing.

i cant even think of the words.
bravo :]

very cute. :)

Love this story, and the bittersweet ending. Hopefully Lucian can love again. That was an unexpected twist in the story, when she betrayed him. I loved it. This is a nice change from all the mainstream vamp stories. Your vamps are more human-like than any other version I've read. Anyhow, keep up the good (and unique) work!

I saw the website typed in the title and i see the novel i was like WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU SERIOUS, i was like man are you serious, awesome fic.

cool

wow that story has a really lovely ending
perfect!!
well done for getting it published!!

I really liked this story. Not too thrilled about the twist ending with Lisa playing him, but at least it was fixed well enough at the end. The other 16 chapters were well worth the ending! Great story.

This is a really well-written story. :) The premise was well-thought off and different compared to others.

The male vampire POV narration was new and it actually worked for this one. I also like the idea of a vampire in your story. It was a new perspective into the 'supernatural'. You actually managed to make your vampires kind of human. (Sorry if I'm not explaining myself very well...) So many writers (even published ones... I will restrain myself from elaborating on this one... LOL) write supernatural characters in way that really makes them seem superhuman, if you will. Not even superhuman. Like something that is NOT or above humans. Oftentimes, writers romanticize supernatural characters and writers also often write them with a formula in mind: mysterious, inhumanly gorgeous, gifted with superhuman powers/abilities. So these characters usually are formulaic.

So what makes your story refreshing is that its written in the vampire's POV and we actually get to know your character better and relate to him on a human level. His worries, weaknesses, uncertainties contribute to his dynamic character. He's not just a formulaic or flat character.

Well, I do have a few criticisms though. First, there were a few inconsistencies...I've forgotten some of them. But one was when Lisa revealed to Lucian that her dad's a chef in the restaurant with Stoner and Sandy. BUT then, Lucian was surprised in a later chapter when Lisa cooked the tofu for them and Sandy commented that her dad was a famous chef. So that's one.

I'm also confused about the scene with Lisa and the vinyl knife with the two other girls who were supposedly attacking her. I don't think it was an important scene. If so, I don't understand it's significance. I understand that maybe it was necessary for the scene after it to occur. When Lucian chose to mutilate himself instead of attacking Lisa was a significant scene. BUT, I don't see why Rachael would have wanted to sic 2 girls on her supposedly still best friend...

This other comment is biased since I personally prefer stories told in a more lighthearted stone. I just find that the mood of the story is kind of dreary. I understand that it's kind of inevitable since the person telling the story, Lucian, is a pretty sad guy himself. Well, the story being told in this tone is definitely a major contributor to why this story, though it does have its merit, will not be a favorite of mine. But don't get disheartened or offended (Please don't.). I did enjoy this story.

All in all the story is pretty good, but it could use some editing.

A couple of things. I am confused about how oldthey are. You said they were seniors, but is this high school or college. I mean you keep mentioning the one college that they are at... And I really doubt doing a dissection would give him blood lust. Have you ever smelt those things. They are covered in chemicals and are so old. Their bloos is typically not even coagulated recently, and I'm assuming your vampire likes fresh blood. I very much doubt the arteries and veins in that rat would have anything valuable to him, especially sinc ethey are all colored for scientific reasons (i.e. distinguishing between arteries and veins, even if not all arteries carry oxygenated blood). Although your story is very interesting and I am definitely going to keep reading.

i already read the whole story in deviant art, and just wanted to tell you that i thought it was AWESOME!! you're a really great writer. keep at it!

Have you ever read the Mars manga... cuz your story is really similar...

Loved the ending. Congradulations. sorry it took me so long to read it, Ive been off my feet.

Tell me when it comes out in bookstores, ok?

It was a cute ending. ^^ I enjoyed reading it. Nice work. Keep writing!

~Twilight Starr

nice vampire-human story. it would have been better if racheal stayed alive. i know she is the 'villan' and deserved to die (which she did), but she is a good girl and she loved her brother, so you can't really blame her for her actions even if they were a tab extreme.