wow... your good...

Wow...I love this poem!It's so dark it's ...it's,Oh my God,I don't know how to explain.
I could see the picture of it while reading the words.Very nice!

I think the first stanza would sound better if you take out "in the field" from the last line.

This is amazing and detailed. Lovely job.

Thanks for the review and the favourite story.

Rowan.

"I see the man beside me raise his face
To the clouds and open his mouth,
Drinking deeply of death"

this stanza is nuts. i love it.

as for constructive critiques...i feel like you could be more creative with a few things. obviously you have the ability. like in said stanza...you could use a subject more descriptive than "man". also, "numb hands" and "deaf ears" and such seem plain. i'm sure you could do something more powerful there...even a different adjective would help but for some reason my brain leans towards reconstructing the phrasing in those areas.


it's really an amazing start, it just feels like you could give it a week to sit and let some final polishing touches reveal themselves to you.

Well, this seems to me more metaphorical and symbolic than an actual, literal description of war, which technically means you can get away with anything. I think you pulled it off quite well. The last stanza was a bit difficult for me to absorb - it felt like after dealing with images and symbols, you handed me something that was purely literal and real. Oh, and it would be "devil's wine" (belonging to the devil). Mostly, it's the line "And turn away to run from my ally" that just kind of confused me. Other than that, I really think it's a powerful poem. Creepy and rather horrible, as war itself is. It's very well done. I especially like the formatting (three-lined stanzas) as it gave this poem a bit of a different, slightly newer touch. Overall, very good job.