Reviews for The Starling Equation

Reviews For: The Starling Equation - Reviews: Page 1 of 4

DeceptionIsMySpecialty 2008-02-21 ch 11,	I absolutely adore this story. I really love Sadie. She is funny and innocent while being flirtatious and kind of outgoing in dealing with Jake. It seems like they have a lot of chemistry. Tehy would be really cute together. And I love her sister. She is really out there and I think she is a good addition to the story. Anywho, my darling, I can't wait for the next chapter so update soon. XOXO, DeceptionIsMySpecialty
Jay-Alonzo 2008-02-20 ch 11,	Woohoo- read it all @_@ I like the chemistry between Jake and Sadie- the story became quite enjoyable after the cynical voice in my head was promptly dealt with. Okay I'll list random things that made me smile: Animal sounds- hahaha, the humming and such after their night at the theater was hilarious and reminded me of far away dances and such in high school. Gothboots and Bubble Gum- PANTENE! XD Jake: You stopping by the coffee shop everyday- So were you looking for a job or something? Sadie:...Yes. Yes I was... The only complaint I did have was Damia- at times she's against her little sisters crush, at other times it's like she's living through her vicariously, and all the time she was just a buzz kill for the plot x_x. Sucks about the drum set and subsequent firing though, reminds me of when I got in a wreck and was fired because i couldn't get into work and thus couldn't get money and thus couldn't get a new car x_x. But most notably is the character development which I think is subtle but well-done. Sadie is very soft-spoken and tedious at first, but without realizing it she becomes outspoken and slightly flirtatious- all while retaining her innocent frame of mind ^_^. Though I do have to wonder where this is all going inevitably, but then again I suppose it's the journey which counts and it's a fun one. So, if this is any indication of your work that you ARE proud of then I'd say bring it on, I'm looking forward to it! -J
Jay-Alonzo 2008-02-19 ch 3,	Hm, a little anti-climatic, but sweet nonetheless. By this I would assume that the story was over but obviously there are many more chapters left to go. One thing that confused me was Jake and Sadie's exchange about the Two Mugs, for quite a few lines no one is indicated as the speaker and as they become more immersed in their conversation it's difficult to discern the two apart. Unless this was intended- then it's quite ingenius but should be noted or indicated somehow, otherwise I just kinda scratched my head. They seem to have some chemistry, but overall it just appears to be one-sided. Sadie is the ingenue, head over heels. But Jakes insinuation of experience as well as his semi-indifference leads me to believe that he knows what he's doing and may be well aware of Sadie's feelings. But that could be the remnants of overly protective phase kicking in @_@, high school was years ago, I'm in college now, blah blah- Anyway, DAMN it's late- good indication of a story, haha. I think this is an appropriate stop point for the night so g'night and overall the story was an enjoyable exploration into the mind of a teen girl who stands alone, not in any clique or trend, but may possibly be some self-discovery through the guise of an all-out crush on a man she hardly knows. Ironically, this reminds me of my first crush on a girl who was way outta my league in junior high. Heh, go fig. G'night! -J
Jay-Alonzo 2008-02-19 ch 2,	Haha, "giggle". My only complaint as of right now is that the transitions between the chapters are very abrupt, a little self-contained. But within them they can be very creatively structured to go full-circle. If anything this is beginning to be like these standardized testing packets I used to get in which a 2 page story would be provided that was simply a scene from a broader story. Don't get me wrong, it's very well-crafted, but bask in the moment a bit more. The paragraph regarding "the moment of action" on Sadie's part was magnificent and spot-on. If more of those kinds of scenes could be implemented then you can really let the audience feel what that character is feeling. Good job though, a very smooth read albeit it brief.
Jay-Alonzo 2008-02-19 ch 1,	Hey, sorry it took so long to review back but class has been insane. Anyhoo, Sadie is such a cute character and excruciatingly awkward yet endearing all at once! Such a lucid encounter that reminds me of my first delving into the idea "Love At First Sight" (not a story idea, just the figure of speech, hehe). I dunno where this is going, but it has such an innocent tone that my often-dark humor is at bay. For some odd reason, this story reminds me of a graphic novel called Ghost World, I don't mean that as in a ripoff- that story was way depressing and introspective, but as far as dialog and structure, it has that "feel". Also, good idea with the random "Hah!" and "Hm..." I find that little tidbits like that really help develop a connection between character and reader. I recall 'A Clockwork Orange' in which a psychopathic rapist/murderer Alex DeLarge is just a horrible human being- but he addresses the audience from his cell as "dear friend" and "My only confidant" and so you're just sucked in as he's pleading with you to empathize with him. But I'm just ranting now. Anyway, I dunno why you spoke so lowly about this, it seems promising from the get-go. Light, but still entertaining. Oh well, onto the next chapter. -J
Klyne 2008-02-02 ch 11,	I'm currently reading this book, "I Am the Messenger," and the writing styles you and the author (Markus Zusak) have are kind of similar. You say more than he does (that's a good thing), but there's still something familiar between the two writing styles - to the point, not much BSing, but there's still depth there. I like it. Few authors are like that, usually over-describing everything, actually. Of Jake's lines, my favorite was: "Oh yes, how could I forget? The important things.” Of Sadie's: 'Hot. My face was flaming, boiling magma.' And I love how at ease Jake appears to me, especially to Sadie, his showing no signs of her reaction to his "rampant complimenting." His compliments don't seem phony or forced in that context, just natural. And that's the best kind. Are Gothboots and Bubblegum going to persist throughout the story, reemerging randomly (or not so randomly)?
Sophie Ulquiorra Allen 2008-01-16 ch 11,	Hmm, to me, it's a rather uneventful chapter, aside from Sadie getting Jake's number. I was a little confused with why Jake would relate everything about his previous girlfriend to her; it just doesn't seem like something one would do voluntarily. I don't know, usually people like to keep dating-ish stuff private, so it was a little strange to read. The description is fresh, if a little lacking. But the dialogue makes up for it; it's very nice to read, as usual. Are you basing Sadie of yourself? She reminds me of what little I know of you. ;) And sorry I am not too enthused at the moment; things have been dull here lately. A.
OnlyOnMyOwn 2008-01-13 ch 11,	hehe i love it! Its so awkwardly adorable! which is perfect in my opinion! haha!
Le Cosmonaute 2007-12-20 ch 10,	I am so sorry I didn't review this! I had no idea chapter ten existed! I'm sorry! Aww, she's getting her stuff from Jake's house. That's sad... Always the most important scene in a break up, IMO. I love all the similes... A sharpened stick, Providence Pond, and the little scene with Damia persuading Sadie to stay longer. "Augh, it's you!" Ha, funniest line, right there. But you just left off there! Ack! I want to read more, and will know if chapter 11 exists sooner, this time (dunno hlw that happened). How to celebrate (congratulations, by the way)... Hm, have a cupcake (ha). Another date between Sadie and Jake? Eh, I don't know what you mean, but good luck with that!
Amethyst-V 2007-11-25 ch 10,	You know when I first started this story I already decided I didn't like it after a few sentences, but I bookmarked it anyway thinking that when I'm in a better mood I'll try it again. Now that I've read it, all I have to say is wow. It is a really great story. I love your writing style, you make the characters seem so believable and real. I cant wait for the next chapter. `added to story alert`
always without complaint 2007-11-25 ch 10,	aw, Jake is so insecure. "Do you?" The break-up obviously isn't settling well. And it seems like Sadie and him are actually developing an emotional connection, which hopefully isn't solely because he's now really vulnerable. damia makes me laugh. yes, "hot hot rebound sex" would probably solve all the problems here. hah, it's all coming together now. seems like you're setting it up to wind down, now that the major obstacle of his girlfriend is eliminated. now jake just has to get over himself, and sadie has to overcome her nervousness, and it'll all work out. oh, and i'm really digging your dialogue here. guess now you're more comfortable with the characters, but it's noticeably clicking along more clearly. really liked the conversation between sadie and jake. “How about you? Where’s your…um…that girl?” “Who, Rhea? I don’t know, probably getting her things at my place.” “Really?” “I can’t believe it either. We’ve been together for two years, and, well, you know.” sets the awkward, unsure tone really well. anyways, lot of ramble. gotta go back to marlow and figure out what the hell conrad is doing. i love my self-destructive procrastination, it's really great. oh, for a celebration idea, ah-- sundaes. solves everything. (and since i don't know how to reply to reviews-- yes, i'll dress my characters in leather jackets until i own one). anyways, conrad. ah, conrad. i'll see you tomorrow for some impossible assignment and discussion that makes me feel like a moron. onward.
Klyne 2007-11-21 ch 10,	The way she thinks makes me laugh. It's the way she words things, I guess, but I love her perspective. A part of wishes we could see Jake's perspective, but I'm not sure it would be as amusing (though if stepping into drums is his life, then maybe it actually would be), and I suppose his perspective wouldn't give the air of mystery that not knowing what he's thinking gives the story. So, I actually like not knowing what he's thinking, though I do like him. You've made his over-age character non-creepy, which he easily could have been. Even though girls tend to like older guys, the older guy liking a girl that much younger can seem weird. But he's not. Anyway, I'm really anxious to see how they work out, especially now that he doesn't have a girlfriend. I love this.
Nyleve Nalloc 2007-11-21 ch 10,	Aww, I missed this story. Glad you updated. I adore your flowing style of writing.
Sophie Ulquiorra Allen 2007-11-20 ch 10,	Very good conversation that you had between Sadie and Jake. I would have appreciated it being more awkward, but I suppose that one can't have everything. Glad that the pair have settled on how they feel about each other (sort of). You can totally tell that Jake is flustered around her, embarrassed by her, and that's so endearing! And, my God, Damia's comment. I snickered quite heartily at that one. Very amusing! To celebrate: I have no idea. Dance around the Office would be my best bet, but that's only because I'm listening to them as I type this. Oh, I almost forgot! NICE METAPHORS AND SIMILIES. They made me very happy! :)
Sophie Ulquiorra Allen 2007-11-20 ch 9,	A very intense chapter. Characterization was good, and, as usual, you managed to carry the scene well with a limited amount of description. You write some very amusing scenes too, I was particularly taken with the dialogue that Sadie invented for the two highschoolers she saw. Goodness, Damia must be a pretty hardcore writer. XD I always have to have music, and I can write even if somewhat distracted. The writing process comes in jerks to me too; it takes me quite a while to get all of my thoughts organized, and I usually take the whole day when I think about a certain chapter. Wow, information overload, wouldn't you say? Anyway, sorry I didn't review this earlier.

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