This is the first romantic story I've ever been intrested in you've inspired me to write on myself.
Thx you, your a great writer never stop

To be honest, I found the author's notes confusing. How you can refer this as "piece of crap" is beyond me. It's got near-perfect grammar, believable realistic characters, and a realistic setting. Not to mention that your writing flows pretty well and easy to read. So a job well done, because this has become my number one story-to-watch-out-for.

There were some things that made me go "hm". Like a previous reviewer stated, I think the orange eye is a bit too much. (Maybe really really really light brown?) And the describe-character-as-soon-as-you-meet-them is also a pet peeve of mine. Let the descriptions come naturally, through dialogue or observations. And the rooming thing confused me too. Do the three boys own the apartment? But aren't they in high-school?

K, I just realized I repeated what everyone else said, haha. But I really couldn't find anything else to fault.

Anyway, keep writing, please! :) I really want to see where the story is going. I predict Anthony's eventually gonna end up with Devin because Kaylan's, you know, straight. Love Femi and the "I'm here cuz I broke this guy's arm" part.

P.S. Anthony's thoughts on Kaylan and how much he likes him is disturbingly relatable. But in a good way :)

this sucks, and so do you

Just kidding. :D

Your author's note is not true. I didn't find the summary confusing or nonsensical. It had just enough mystery to get me interested in reading the story, without being too vague, and I like that.

As for the story itself, it's got great writing and although I'm seriously annoyed by the fact that Femi has orange eyes (have you ever seen a human being with orange eyes?) I like the characters and the storyline, and how Devin didn't immediately get associated into their ranks...it seems as if he will be somehow important, though. My favorite bit was at the beginning when the narrator was describing how much he adores Kaylan. It's so believable, like they're the exact thoughts of someone. Your characters aren't flat, but actual people. Please post another chapter; I'm looking forward to it.

nice story, hope to see your next chapter soon.

Ps. it does not suck, the endding just needs some work. not much, just some.

hi! This story sounds like fun. One question though...are the guys roomates or what? If so how old are they...I was just pondering this you know, allong with the meaning of life and all.

it seemed kinda random, but I think once you get more chapters up it'll make sense and fit with their personalities. :) good so far.

Any story on Fictionpress that uses at least SOME semblence of grammar needs to be applauded.

*applauds*

That said, I think the story moved a bit fast. It was kind of all over the place, and I'm not sure where the plot is hiding, but since it's the first chapter it's understandable.

And this might just be a pet peeve of mine, but I hate it when authors introduce a person and immediately describe their physical characteristics. So that put me off a little. But other than that, it's a good start. Keep it up.