Reviews for E Flat Minor of Platform 24

Reviews For: E Flat Minor of Platform 24 - Reviews: Page 1 of 7

ikklekins 2008-08-16 ch 2,	abuseI like the general idea of your story. I mean, it's not everyday you fall in love with a guy who writes music on walls. There are a few problems with it though. The emotions didn't seem to ring true to me. I found the character hard to connect with. To be honest, I found her a bit...wooden. I wasn't really drawn to the character the way I'd like to be. Also, her initial note to the composer was really unrealistic. It read like a fictionpress review. And not in a good way. I did like that you connected her to 'the real world' with her grandmother's death, but the way it was mentioned was almost too casual. You have potential as a writer, I'll give you that, but you need a little polishing up.
BeautyisFleeting 2008-08-12 ch 2,	abuseThis was so sweet!! It was dark but was still light enough to bear!! It was the perfect romance story :D
Kalitena 2008-07-27 ch 2,	abuseOne second while I sob into the pillow. Okay, much better now. That was amazing. Your style is beautiful and the story was heartrending. Exquisite. The characters were instantly connectible, and very believable. Lovely plot as well. I'd ask you to review my work in return, but you kind of intimidate me with your amazing amazingness. :) Anyhow, loved it immensely. Kali
icebladechic16 2008-07-21 ch 2,	abuseah! i love it. the ending is PERFECT. i seriously can't imagine it any other way. i hope the doesn't sound morbid...it's so sad, but it's right for this story. i love the last line as well. great finishing touch.
icebladechic16 2008-07-21 ch 1,	abuseok i'm reviewing in two parts because i need to say what i think about this part first before i read the second part or else i'll forget haha. anyway...wow! i love the concept for this story. this is such an interesting idea! i'm interested in where you got the idea from. did you see music on subway walls before? i'm kind of hoping that they don't get together or anything like that because i feel it would be cliche. ok i'm going to go read the second part right now. and you'll probably get another review then too haha
openheadspace 2008-07-19 ch 2,	abuseWow. No other word needs to be used to describe your story.
Renee Wesley 2008-07-07 ch 2,	abuseOMIGOD! I really enjoyed this story, and i almost was to cry @ the end. I wonder, could this end up being, a movie?
eamane tinuviel 2008-06-19 ch 2,	abuseWOW. Your story was just... WOW. At first, it seemed a bit far-fetched, but it worked out to be painfully believable. Your dialogue really helped develop your characters, especially Natalie. The prim and proper manner of her speech (which usually irks me) was perfect in reinforcing her prudish persona. I really enjoyed seeing the change in her at the end. It had an almost 'better late than never' feel to it, which was extremely sad. The emotion is very raw and it's great you're able to do that in your writing. Favorited. Absolutely favorited :)
EnChAnTeD-KoReAn 2008-06-17 ch 2,	abusetalk about angst...nice job on the story though!! :)
Josh Howatt 2008-06-02 ch 1,	abuseWow. Dear. This is really good. I need a moment to digest it. Okay all good. Wow. Powerful. The ending left me stunned. And hurt. I didn't want it to end like that be see that it had to. The writing is fantastic. At first it felt too proper or formulaic, but then it became a revelation of character and fit beautifully. As a musician myself, the kinship between the two mains was spot on. Only a couple things I would change. the treble cleft charm was a tad trite. I felt like it threw a cog into my image of E-flat. He's far more mysterious than that. and It was the first time he’d said my real name. How did he know?" I would totally ditch the "How did he know?" I think it's pretty obvious her full name is Nathalie. And ...the first time he'd said my real name." is such a powerful line that I think it needs a moment to breathe after. Overall, fantastic. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Look forward to more. Best, Josh
alittlebitconfused 2008-05-30 ch 2,	abuseAnd here’s my freebie review :) I loved it. Amazing. Absolutely amazing. I could say that a million times, but I won’t, it’d get old. I loved it - there I go again. Your writing style is amazing, it’s unique. The story moves quickly and interestingly enough that I almost forgot I was reading at all. Your descriptions helped me see everything that was happening. I like the way you keep bringing up that Natalie’s selfish, it almost seems like she’s telling herself that she doesn’t deserve him. And oh! He’s amazing! Music makes me melt – simple as that. And it was so sweet. Very sad at the end, and it effected me. It’s powerful, amazingly so. And now something bad. Argh, I’ve got to stretch my mind for that. One thing that seemed a little odd to me was how fast Natalie became addicted to the music – and how she started pulling away from her friends so fast. Do counselors really notice that fast? But that might just be my experience with them. But that was truly one of the greatest things I have ever read. So powerful.
dragonflydreamer 2008-05-27 ch 1,	abuseEXTREMELY late freebie review, but a freebe review none the less! Wow... just wow. And I repeat: wow. This has to be one of the best stories I ever read, and I don't just mean on fictionpress. I don't even know where to begin this review. This is one of the few short stories that I've read on this site that really grasps the purpose of a short story. We did a whole unit on them in Language Arts this year, and the one thing that was drilled into our minds the most was that every word of a short story is important. You did an amazing job of sticking to this concept and not getting carried away with descriptions of every little thing and emotion. Not only did this keep it true to the idea of a short story, but it also makes it sound like it's really coming from Natelie. You made her so bluntly honest in the telling of this story that its connection to the reader went so far beyond words: a perfect tribute to the whole idea of the story. The dialogue between Nat and E Flat left me in awe. It had the same idea of complexity of thoughts in simplicity of words; they said so much with so little. I can't believe how much you conveyed about each of their characters simply through their dialogue. I also amazed me how you made them fall in love in this same deeper-than-words way. I don't know if this was how you intended it, but I saw the music as simply being a metaphor for how deep their relationship is instead of an explaination of their relationship. Well, I'm sure I could go on for hours about how much I adore this story, but I will not waste my own time or yours. I will simply leave you with my previous dumbfounded remark: wow.
Rex Nightingale 2008-05-26 ch 2,	abuseStunningly beautiful story. I loved all the metaphors surrounding the characters and the music, I haven't read a story with music so well woven into it before. Also, I like the image of writing music on a wall for people to find. The selfishness of Natalie's character is maybe over done a bit, everything she did was done selfishly, even if it doesn't naturally seem selfish, such as "screaming her love". Otherwise perfect. By the way, thankyou for your review on "Fate", I wrote it a long time ago, you'll have to read it again once I've remembered what it was about. Also, check out "Paranoia", I'm much more pleased with that.
rei.lyrical 2008-04-24 ch 2,	abusethis story was amazing. i can't find another story like it. you are truly one of my favorite writers even though this is only on the computer.
fire-and-snow 2008-04-19 ch 2,	abuseI really like the ending, very fitting. And I like the cute idea of using music as a way for communication between the two people. However, Part I was a bit predictable, and in Part II E Flat Minor's dialogue was unrealistic so I couldn't get absorbed into the story. Also there are many repetitions of Natalie condemning herself as selfish. I know you are trying to make a point with the repetitions, but I think they could be more artfully varied, so the readers don't get bored. (I saw your story on the forum The Review Game, I want to invite you to review my only story, if you have time)

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