Reviews for Wind Swept, Earth Borne

Reviews For: Wind Swept, Earth Borne

Narc 2007-08-15 ch 2,	abuseWell, I'm a little disappointed that you switched characters here, but I thought this was a good follow-up. It at least explained some of what happened in the last chapter. One thing is that you seemed to have cut off the conversation between Dante and the detective far too soon. When he tells him that his girlfriend didn't react until five years ago, I would have expected some confusion from him instead of just accepting the fact. He would have questioned the detective about how he knew that, or wondered if maybe it was as simple an error as a name change.
Narc 2007-08-15 ch 1,	abuseThis makes a good first chapter. I'm hoping that the actual first chapter doesn't take off with a different character or at a different point in time, because I want to know what's happening with her. The eye-color changing thing I don't like. I've seen it in multiple stories, and I've only ever liked it once. In this case it already seems like the sort of thing that's just there to make the character look good. I would take out the multiple exclamation ponts after Dante. No need to have more than one. A little confused if her captors are the people whispering into her head or someone else.
bleepbloopbanana 2007-08-07 ch 2,	abuseO... the plot thickens! rubs hands in an evil and dastardly manner Good work on this chapter, lookin forward to the next one.
lostfantasy 2007-08-05 ch 1,	abuseso far so good!
bleepbloopbanana 2007-08-03 ch 1,	abuse-- Nothing stirred around her, sighing she kept waiting for something to happen. -- That sentence is a bit awkward. I would suggest splitting sentences up if you can't put them together in a way that flows with the rest of the story. Other than that, it's a good start to what I'm hoping will be a good story. Though a bit short, it was enjoyable and I certainly want to know what's going to happen next. Keep it up.

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