Evil God Berkley. HA!

Awesome!

God damn would I like to make a comic out of this. You, my friend, are one of the funniest writers I have ever had the pleasure of reviewing. Bravo!

I can't question my sanity. I don't know where it is. Sorry. =(

Anyway, it was a very funny story. Good job.

The ending was perfect. :)

Thank you for the laugh.

-Ramen

1.) “His road ahead is sure to be filled his peril and danger,” continued King Paulo."

"With instead of "his."

2.) "...things that may be hidden to mortals like you an me but are there none the less.”

"And" not "an."

3.) “I just think its just wrong father,” said Prince Steve indignantly."

Only say "just" once, and "its" should be "it's."

4.) "A disgraced soldier like you insulting a man royalty such as myself-”

It should be, "...A man of royalty..."

5.) "I shall organise for a group of noble heroes to accompany you.”"

"Organize," not "organise."

6.) "...asked Gary only to be interrupted by a dark haired woman who looked to have a mysterious past."

"...who looked like she had a mysterious past."

7.)"...she said mysteriously causing the crowd to whisper amongst themselves in surprise."

A comma needs to go between "mysteriously" and "crowd."

I love this so far. Gary actually kinda reminds me of someone. XD

These are probably my favorite lines,

“It would be an honour to serve the empire and fight alongside the Chosen One,” said the royal elf, stepping out from the crowd. “I will ensure that he makes it to the evil lands of Blackness. I am quick, stealthy and accurate with a bow.”

“And a douche,” added Gary."

But you also spelled "honor" wrong there.

Great so far!

-Ramen

So, these reviews are really just notes on which lines made me laugh out loud. Cause, you know, everyone says 'lol', but it's mostly just filler and no one actually laughed and they're a bunch of liars. I, on the other hand, am not.

Anyways:

"I mean, some kid left graffiti on my house once but I didn’t go about declaring that ‘Keith is awesome’ now, did I?"

Hahahaha!

"Or were dead."

Again, LOL! I love how it is written in third person, but it's still from Gary's p.o.v.

And, I love all things snarky and satire.

"The castle did not have legs."

LOL! That one line *made* the chapter. Very funny.

“No it doesn’t! Now I come to think of it, you must be getting me confused with the guy who lives next door. He’s quiet and hardworking and dreams of bigger things and has an amulet around his neck with some ancient insignia on it. Did I mention he’s an orphan? Come on, doesn’t he sound like a better Chosen One?”

rofl.

-Ramen

i... i just want to say that i am extremely doubtful that anything quite so wonderful as this has ever existed, exists, or ever will exist again.
i want to ** marry it and ** it and have its ** children, it is so awesome.
--a.k.a.

"my nose to big"
*too*. I wouldn't have mentioned this, but you are a repeat fellon on this crime, so I had to intervene :P

And wow! This has been a truly fun ride! I also want to mention, that the names/titles you have thought up have always been spot on entertaining, ie dork-orcs being my favorite. Or how about Tunnel of Misery? :P

You have a small problem with spelling, but only because I think you don't have a word processor or something, because one of those would pick them up quit fast. So...get one!

Your characters have been lovely! Especially Gary, Samuel and the orcs. I am saddened that it is still inconclusive as to whether or not the Prince was gay. Ack. We will never know. (unless I missed something? :D Hmm?)

And haha! I absolutely adored how it all started with a drunken guy with a crayon! Who'd have thunk it?

This has been a very original story, told in a most humorous way, and I am glad to have read it! Please keep on writing! Your writing is very charming!

Good luck with future stories!

- Frac, from the Review Marathon (link in profile) (sorry for the ad, but they are mandatory)

"but he also had a stitch the size of Ted Danson’s forehead"
*blinks* Ted who? O.o

"defender of The Dark Lord of Tyranny."
You know, you really should decide whether or not the "t" in The should be capitalized or not. It has been pending, and it annoys me a bit, I must say.

I vote for capitalized, btw.

"“And now it’s your turn, you insolate man with nice shoes,”"

*laughs madly* Your humor is really rare on this site, you know that? This is a one-of a kind story! :D Well, except for your other stories. Since they are all written by you... and ...yeah.

And wow! Gary actually did something for once! Haha, I knew he could kick **.

"it was might fault"
*my* fault?

Haha, Gary got stabbed! :D Take that, for laughing at my dork-orcs! >.<

That Gary would join Samuel was a bit expected as soon as I read samuels personality, and it being greatly the same as Gary's, I still enjoyed it. Their interaction is very nice. And damn, those must be some really nice shoes!:O

"“How I would to meet the retard that drew those scribbles,” "

Okay, I don't really get this sentence. Feels like a word is missing or something.

Great chapter, I have to say. The ending was a bit weak, though. Very anti-climatic. Ending a chapter/scene with a dialog-line isn't advised. Feels very cut-off.

Otherwise, I have very much enjoyed it. Yay for Gary and Samuel! Now onto the epilogue!

- Frac, from the Review Marathon (link in my profile)

Haha, the dork-orcs "orcish" language intruigs me if only becuase the old fart can't understand a thing! Might I mention, I am very fond of the orcs and their nerdy behaviour :P You have really given orcs a whole new dimension, haha!

"Suddenly one of the cooler orcs, noticeably cooler because he wore a sports-jacket and had an eyebrow piercing"
*ties to imagine this on Orc from lord of the rings movie, as this is only "meeting" I have had with orcs*
*brain explodes*
:D I wonder if there are cheer-leader orcs around...

"“Not that it’s any of you[r] business.”"

I thought I loved the orcs before, but man! The introduction of orc-social-standing-bullying really makes it all a jack pot! So charming it all is...in a weird sort of way. You deliver the lines so well, trivializing it all so seemingly effortlessly. Impressive!

"like a large quantity of snarling diarrhoea"

*chuckles* Your imagination is really top-notch! I don't think I have ever heard that phrase before! Though you spelled the last word wrong...hehe

"as they charged forwards into"
I think it is *forward*. aka, lose the 's'.

"and in less then three seconds they were all slaughtered mercilessly"

;_; No! Why did you kill my beloved dork-orcs?! You have wounded my heart and soul! That Gretchen had to die was pretty awesome (haha, the shoes :3) but my orcs! ;_; I didn't like that. How dare Gary laugh, too? Ugh. You have depressed me. I hope they somehow are alive at the end...because that would be pretty awful for Gary, and only awful things happen to Gary.

So yeah, I didn't fancy that part all too well... >.> *bottles up resentment and carries on*

On another hand, Gary and his lines kick so much ** (except after dork-orcs die), I wouldn't be surprised if he managed to kill the Tyran with them! :O

- Frac, from the Review Marathon (link in my profile)

The "homosexual" comments from Gary made me chuckle inside :3 I hadn't really thought of the Prince that way before. I just pegged him very arrogant, haha. Funny remark.

And at last! The mysterious woman is getting screen-time. I was getting annoyed there, for a second. Anyhow, back to the scene: Not as good as it could be, because the start of her conversation was kind of weak and didn't draw me in, but when she started to throw herself at him, I found it too hilarious to deny. I mean, how many times has this not been done before? Except without the Gary, of course :P I loved his comments. They state exactly what any right-minded person would think!

Keep it up!

- Frac, from the Review Marathon (link in profile)

"for a wet a towel"
Second "a" shouldn't be there, I think

"had taught himself to reject from his concentration"
I can't really understand the point you're trying to make with this statement. I find it strangely worded.

I have to confess, that despite liking your characters and finding them all wonderfully played out...I just can't bring myself to like the mysterious woman! She gets such generic lines, and she's not really given any quirks like the others :/

"“Hear it is!”"
Here?

Gary has been lovely as always! His comments to everyone is always entertaining to read, add that they all remain oblivious just makes it even better! His disappointments in their lack of deaths is something I also have grown fond of :3

But really, the mysterious woman is really weak in comparison to the others, who are more well-established. So, um, fix it? Pwease? I know you could do great things with her! Or maybe it comes later?

- Frac, from the Review Marathon (link in profile)