The Angel in Black
2007-08-05
ch 1,  | abuseMy, that was quite...angry. I think you should take this and rethink it. It is a good start, but it could be better. You started off on the right track, but I think you were far too angry when you wrote this. The raw feeling overpowers your words in this case. Like I said, it's a good start, but try and get a scheme going. Like a syllable scheme or a rhyme scheme. You've got the emotion and motivation, you just have to work at the words a little more, so it'll flow better and give a better picture, rather then a shapeless feeling. |
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