I like it... but maybe would flow better if done in ABAB format rather than AABB format? I dunno, i liked it, so i guess i shouldn't really suggest change 2 it :-). *I would much rather be one whole*... liked how this compared to the rest of the poem *distressing vs confusing etc*. Yeah, good work. -TheDJ

I really like your writing style, you use some very interesting metaphors. Occasionally the rhyming seemed a bit forced but the idea is a good one and well expressed. Keep writing!