Reviews for Jimmy - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Jimmy

Maranwe Telrunya 2007-11-30 ch 3,	abuseHm... iinntteresting. Did you know that beer tastes like pig slop? lol. That's what my mom said, anyway... I've only ever tasted non-alcoholic pig slo- I mean, beer. It tasted... gross. Kinda like mushy... grit. Not really bitter, not sweet at all... just... pungent and odorous and icky. ANYWAY. NOW we know maybe where the story is going. If you continue it, anyway. I liked how you slid from Derek to Jimmy back to Derek again. It was realistic. Whenever I read "rearrange" and "face" in the same sentence, I think of plastic surgery. Or really bad boxing matches. Disjointed review, I know. My mind is random right now.Good story so far. Realistic, although (ahem) you COULD use more description. It was a little bit sparse, but you know. I got the basic setting, but not the little details that made the home. I didn't get a sense of colors. Which could be good in a time of grief, everything beind colorless, but... I'd more want to get a sense of dark or grey. ~K
Maranwe Telrunya 2007-11-30 ch 2,	abuseSo what's this story going to be about? There's no hint of a mystery or any real plot direction yet... but then, it's good writing, and it's still interesting. Seems like there should be something to hint at where it's going. ~K
Maranwe Telrunya 2007-11-30 ch 1,	abuseHm... at the beginning I thought "what a cry-baby", but that was just my tired brain speaking. It's a very intreguing prologue. I have a suspicion... We'll see... maybe. But then again... yeh. Anyway. I should stop talking to myself in this review. lol. Good prologue. Nice contrast of characters. ~K
Redeemed 2007-11-25 ch 3,	abuseAnother excellent chapter, champ. I know it's been a while since I read this story, but I feel like I'm right back in the middle of things. If anything, you're doing a great job building up suspense and curiosity. The meeting with Jimmy's ghost came in at the perfect time; enough to propel the story forward, even though much of it concerns the past. I still don't know what direction you're going to take this in--supernatural? mystery?--but I guess I'll have to wait and see. Keep it coming, bro.
Redeemed 2007-08-21 ch 2,	abuseThis chapter was very moving. It's not often that a person can capture the essence of real grief in their writing, but you did it quite well. I also enjoy how you're fleshing out your characters without slowing the story down with physical descriptions, etc. And obviously, you've left the reader wanting to know just what really happened, why Jimmy really killed himself--which is the most important thing thus far, it seems.
Redeemed 2007-08-21 ch 1,	abuseHaha, brilliant, absolutely brilliant. I can't do anything except laugh, because I have no idea how someone with your talents isn't on the Bestseller lists by now. And this isn't just flattery, trust me. "My life was not one marred by extravagant suffering. It was merely yellowed by melancholy." Parallelism and imagery, wow, those were beautiful lines. You got the point across--there was a huge element of shock at the end of the prologue. I loved the twist.
Fractured Illusion 2007-08-08 ch 2,	abuse"the sturdiest of we three supports." we? I'm not sure if it fits... Somehow I can't really feel myself relating to this main character here, despite all the grief going on. Which makes it feel bland to me :/ I did think everything fits in the story, what with the actions and dialog and all. I suppose I just can't connect to it. Still, best of luck!
Fractured Illusion 2007-08-08 ch 1,	abuseA nice start with efficient background information that revealed all necessary. I did not spot any spelling errors, so good for you! ^^ At the start though, it became all very fancy wordings (4th paragraph I think) that didn't seem to fit with the rest. Though the story idea feels a bit generic ("Oh gosh, HE killed himself? Of all the happy-happy people?" kind of way) I think it's good so far. We'll see how this turns out! -Fractured Illusion

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