I seriously hope this was not about you. Just explain. I loved it, I always do, it was good imagery, and it made me think(as always).

Hmm... interesting. I've felt this way before.
I think it's good for a start--the story behind the poem is all there--but you can probably expand it some more in detail with some adjectives. You can sculpt a better emotion out of it. It has potential. ;)

Keep writing!

Ironic Presence

It's well written enough but I wish you'd develop certain concepts (her beauty went unnoticed--is that an irony? because physical beauty, which I assume is the case by referencing the bikini, especially in women, is often noticed). Good work, I liked it.