Wow! this is better than anything I could ever write! The second you read it, it grasps you, and pulls you in. Then it traps you in it's plot. Keep it going!

Another beautifully detailed chapter. I can't wait to see what the vampire is going to do. Patiently waiting for another update.

Beautifully written, as usual. "in a mad fit"? Should this be "in an angry fit" or "mad" as in the Mad Hatter? Other than that... superb.

Starting to query agents about the new version of The Handler's World today. (clinks Cat's glass) Good fortune to both of us!

There's a new [unrest], in case you haven't seen it. Miss ya, pretty girl.

- leaveoutalltherest

"Tare" should be spelled "tear."

I thought it was great that you explained how to pronounce "Seriphae", I wasn't really sure how to pronounce it.

Great fifth chapter, hope to hear from you again soon.

Great chapter! I really liked the line "If doors could quake in fear, this one would've..." (the sentence can actually be ended there, now that I think about it). I also like where the story is heading and can't wait to see what the liquid words will do to them.
I suggest that you try to make the characters' speech more natural. Lacey and Robert have just had a terrifying experience, for instance, but Lacey manages to come up with a very unnaturally worded sentence: "Why didn't you tell me this critical information after you were somehow sobered?" Personally, if I had just been controlled by a vampire-mermaid, the most articulate thing I could probably come up with would be something along the lines of "What?! How do you know that?" Remember that even though things may sound better if you carefully correct grammar and diction of characters, it doesn't sound at all natural.
I can't wait for the next chapter!
Daughter of the Faeries

Great story so far, waiting patiently for Chapter 5.

Astonishing as usual, Cat.

"Oh, yes, I know your scheme, you dirty scum-bag!"

My new favorite literary line. ;)

No problems with me hanging around to read these stories, right?

- J

...and the suspense builds. I have just a few suggestions for this chapter. The first is a basic creative writing technique: show, don't tell. The reader wants to see and judge for themselves, not have everything handed to them on a silver platter. In the begining of the chapter, you have Robert and Lacey pass right by Seriphae and then Seriphae says something about them having passed right by their doom without knowing it. I think it would be better if you played up the passing; for instance, "Robert and Lacey came stumbling down the narrow hall together; Lacey was having difficulty supporting his weight. Seriphae crouched deeper into the doorway in which she hid, holding her breath. One of Lacey's elbows skimmed the wall while Robert's arm came very near the other. Seriphae pulled herself as far as she could back into the doorway, but the hem of Lacey's skirt still grazed her; Lacey didn't notice." You see, it emphasizes how close they came and doesn't make the reader feel like everything is being carefully explained in case they don't understand.

Speaking of which, you explained Seriphae's takeover of Lacey's body way too much. I know it is hard to know how much to explain something, a little mystery is sometimes good. When we see Seriphae put her hand over Lacey's heart, we start guessing all of the things she could be doing: killing, taking over, enchanting, cursing. It is good that you don't immediately explain and let Lacey wake up first. The sentence "The other mind was..." is completely unneeded because the reader has already come to this conclusion. Any of the following explaination is also redundant because it is nothing we haven't figured out yet. The places where more specificity would be nice would be in the language Seriphae speaks to perform the charm. Is it the language of the vampire/mermaids? Is it the language of water creatures? Is it the language of magical beings? What does it sound like? Is it pretty or harsh?

I also think that you overuse the phrase "what he/she didn't know". It is okay to use it once and a while, but it is perfectly unnecessary. You can just say that the character was unaware, oblivous, or something of that sort.

I hope this helps you and encourages you to update the next chapter soon. I'm looking forward to it!

Daughter of the Faeries

How evil of that vampire-mermaid! It was a good chapter. I can't wait for more! Also, thank you for the review! I'm glad you enjoy my story! Update soon! ^_^

Oh sweet! You updated a lot! I really do love this story. You're so good with detail. Can't wait for the next chappie!

Okay, I think I get it. Lacey has to break the spell that Seriphae has put on Robert, but we don't yet know just how to break said spell. Interesting. In the last sentence (I'm being picky, I know, and I'm sorry) you wrote "What Lacey didn't know is that that was true...". It would sound better if you said "What Lacey didn't know was that this was true..." because it keeps everything in past tense and gets rid of the confusing "that that". Great chapter!
Daughter of the Faeries

Interesting...I've never read anything where the author has combined a vampire and mermaid (but then, I don't read much fantasy). I like it. I can't wait to see what happens next!
Daughter of the Faeries

This is a perfectly detailed story that I officially love now! Update soon pretty please!