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| Twilight Starr 2007-11-02 ch 1,  | abuseGood start. I like the character's narration. Great job! ~Twilight Starr~ |
| SatoKibi 2007-09-05 ch 1, | abuselol. Hi! I just wanted to give some ideas maybe... i love the concept of your story, comparing this girl to fairy tales. it could really go somewhere. :) But, you really shouldn't have your main character spend a whole chapter talking about herself. It gets slightly tedious. What you should have done is get her to maybe go about her daily routines, or things that happen, and slowly add bits of her opinions of life and things about herself while she's doing things. Do you get what I mean? Like, your character could be a VERY interesting protagonist, but she really needs to DO something, instead of sitting there complaining. By the way please take this review as a mostly-compliment. My crit is just suggestions. XD |