It sounds more like a historical recount. Give better in-depth description, a creative touch and some imagery.
Some of it was strong, but elswhere it was weak. The first person narration was done better than the objective start.
Could improving on the rephrasing and structure.
It was a touch boring - I mean this was such a big thing - add more 'blasts' and powers to it. Make it gripping.
It was a bit in-between, though again I liked the exposure of thoughts and all coming from the narrator.
Anyhow, cheers.