FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| PandaPanda 2008-06-19 ch 1,  | abusewow. the lovely rhythm just swept me away. I did feel that the last few words were out of place, but somehow, they also seemed to work. it was a very compelling and effective poem. hope to see more from you! |
| vroomvroom-vagabond 2008-05-13 ch 1, | abuseLovely. I really appreciate the simple depth to this. It vaguely reminds me of Cummings, which, is a very good thing. Keep it up. |
| alittlebitconfused 2008-05-13 ch 1, | abuseYou do kind of ruin it with the last few words... They don't flow with the rest of the poem, and the whole thing's thrown off from the rest of it. I really like it, you can tell you were thinking hard, and it feels real. Great Job! |
| misery sister 2008-05-13 ch 1, | abuseI think this was good, but it would be better if you used capitalization, periods, and commas. Commas for brief pauses; they're good emotional tools - like, the persona is pausing, you know what i mean? |
| shadows of a trackless sea 2007-12-03 ch 1, | abuseI do think that you should get rid of the last words they throw it off. But Aside from that I thought that it was pretrty good, nice work! |
| Harmony'sSake 2007-08-26 ch 1, | abuseGreat job. I really liked how the lines were short but they all flowed together well. I understood the poem but it also left room for interpretation. I love that part that went: I want to stop it/change it/pulp it/lose it/force it. I can see this poem, with words added, turning into a song because of lines like that. You did a great job with this and I think you could become a very good poet. All in all, I give this poem 8 out of 10. ~HS |
| Daiysis 2007-08-11 ch 1, | abuseI think its good. I just think that you went over board with the whole repetition thing, but thats ok. I'm sure you'll do better the second time around. ^_^ |