I was starting to like this story until you revealed that Sam had turned into a vampire. Nice way to ruin the story. :/

U suck, just giv up wreiting FOREVER losar!!

Ok, this was a good one. I didn't see anything that needed to be improved. I actually would've used Josh to my advantage but it is just as good if he dies. Maybe a little romance could be thrown in? Or not! Your choice entirely, I'm just a romance fanatic!

There were grammar mistakes such as "your" the possessive, instead of "you're", the contraction of "you" and "are".

Some of the sentences sounded awkard and their wording was unusual-not neccessarily in a good way.

You smashed some words together, and missed letters on others.

You need more detail; this story is very bare. Describing their hair and features with some many adjectives and then no detail elsewhere looks like the work of a Sue-maker. It doesn't seem natural to use four or five adjectives to describe a girl's hair, anyways.

Overall, it could be a lot better.

=OO COOL!

Ok. I like it. This isn't the most original story plot though it is VERY creative, there is a difference. When her parents tells her she accepts it a little too fast and why wouldn't her parents be vampires if she was? Did they take the antidote too? Use a better adjective than "Xena Style" please. I just can't take it seriously though the fact that she comes self clothed is very convenient. The evil laugh, not working either.
Ok, now for good things so you don't feel hopeless and depressed like I did when I just got a bad review today, I seriously was upset. I like the voice, it is pretty descriptive and manages to keep me reading which is more than I can say for quite a few stories on this site. I also like the seceretary. This is a good story and I'll be waiting for more! I'd redo this last chapter though I'm not telling you it is necessary or anything. Have fun!

Good chapter. The only thing is I feel it moved a bit fast in the fact that her parents are there and tell her and she accepts it. Not a problem though. Think about in the next few chapters to bring out more on her feelings and how she became this way ( how her parents knew, ect.) I love the story line. You have done a good job so far. I know that it is early on yet and there is lots of time to explain everything. Just do not do like I do and wait to long because the readers can get confussed or lost. Love it so far! Update very soon ;) Can't wait to read more.

~R1~

I love the title. Made me laugh, especially when I realized it wasn’t about raiding your fridge at night. Ha ha.

Keep going.

Love

The toothpaste fiend.

O! Interesting. this is getting good C=

Really great story! Good Job!

I find this to be a little bit dry. Though I like the mystery it ends abruptly and I hope oyu have another chapter on the way. It is good at parts but you don't really need to go into so much detail on the clothes, I NEVER describe clothes unless absolutely neccessary because it tends to get boring and most people just skip over it. Also, the "no buts" part could be better.

OK, wow what a way to end it. I mean it is a heck of a way to end a chapter. I really want to know what is up with her back.
UPDATE SOON!

great Job.

~R1~

Im interested to see where you go with this...nice suspense at the very end. Great job.

it's pretty good.
but it's pretty much dialogue...but i think it kinda works for it.
write more! i really wanna know what happened to her back.

It seems pretty good. The only thing is is that this is almost completely dialogue. Describe where the characters are, their emotions, what they're doing and such. That'll make it even better. :)

~Pluto's Rose