Reviews for Several Worlds Apart

Reviews For: Several Worlds Apart

FantasiaFirst 2007-10-11 ch 5,	abuseHey cool. I'll catch ya on the new story then.
FantasiaFirst 2007-09-05 ch 4,	abuseTo be honest, I didnt like this chapter much. It's a bit cliche. Hmm like a scene I have read or heard many times before. The description of the throne room in the first paragraph is contradicting and really threw me off. You say beauty and then in the next line say gray, cold stone. Gray, cold stone just don't bring to mind beauty. And then the way you described the next line, Tapestries adorned the grey, stoic walls as if to bring them alive... It makes me think dreary, dowdy and someone tried to bring them alive with tapestries. stoic is a bad word to asociate with beauty. If you can have crystal vaulted ceilings, why not nicer walls? There was a lot of grammatical errors in this chapter too. Way way way more than the previous ones. I didnt like this line: The ladies of the nobility and of the lower class were dressed elegantly, though the latter could not be expected to dress as extravagantly as the former. I felt it could be better described. Perhaps you can say The ladies of nobility were dressed elegantly in silk and fur. The lower class too, were dressed in their best clothes, ironed and primped. Or something... Another important point is that you changed POVs from third person to first person midway here and there. It kept jarring me out of the story. Very apparent in the Prince of Rogueria's thoughts, especially. I think there is a better way to write this scene. And also I would not make Katherine behave so outrageously but rather that she blended in with teh crowd first. It would be more fun to read when she blends in with teh girls and slowly let show to the prince (privately) that she doesnt care for marrying him. But to others, she will say the niceties and all. That will totally confuse him. I think such overt show of brazenness has been overdone in a lot of stories. as such it's almost deja vu to read. I dun like addressing my story in other pple's reviews becos i think it's rude. But since you asked, I already wrote the epilogue and I shall update as soon as I can get it done.
For What Its Worth 2007-09-02 ch 3,	abuseIt reads wonderfully! What DOES the prince think of them, I wonder? Surely nothing TOO horrid. chuckles I don't suppose that happens to him often. So...You spoke of more chapters? eyes eagerly alight
FantasiaFirst 2007-09-02 ch 3,	abuseHow come he knows who they both are? that they are princesses. Hmm. Since katherine and the prince have never met before. Anyways, I think the chapter was nicely written but I feel the dialogue can be improved. It's apparent from your writing that you are writing it! Give your characters their own voice. While Katherine might say, Well... a lot. Jade shouldn't be saying well a lot too. she should have her own way of speaking. It's nice that you inserted the conflict between the modern and old way of speaking but i think it can be better. Keep it up.
FantasiaFirst 2007-08-15 ch 2,	abuseLOL. You did it again! This transition thing! Okay I'm hooked. Lol. I like it that the old world has more descriptions and setting. I think your pacing of the story is really good!
FantasiaFirst 2007-08-13 ch 1,	abusehehe, depends on how serious you are about the story. It looks set as a fun little read. I won't say I'm hooked. But I think I might click that little button that says next. But then again, I might not. Depends on my mood. I like the transition of the first few paragraphs. Just when I tot it was another story about different worlds, it became a modern setting. But then maybe the setting is too modern. In a sense, it lacked the 'feel' of the first few paragraphs. Suddenly, it was mostly dialogues. Perhaps you could put in more description to make the transition better. You write with a good style. My only complaint is that it would be nice if you could add in more settings, descriptions. I would say, do a rewrite or scrap it away completely if say, you are serious about spending time on writing a good book. But if you're in it for fun, continue. It can still be a great read. I like the interaction with your characters.

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