Reviews for Still In the Sea - FictionPress.com

Vesta J
2007-08-22
ch 1,

abuseboldy written is all much i can say. if i had to choose which rumor-spreading song was better, yours or mine, i think i'd choose yours!
the song makes pictures come into my head, which is a good thing, because empty songs with imagery...they're just harder to picture, obviously. some lines i don't really get, and i think some parts of your song are repeated too much. if one were to listen to this song, it would sound nice. it's long, and to hear it once more or even twice more, it might sounds tiring--i don't know, but that's just me. i like the title, though. i always have a hard time making a title for my songs/stories.
would you mind reading Outta my daze for me? i'd like your input, because it has a lot of rhymes just like this one, and for one thing...i feel a bit intimidated by yours.
anyhow, keep writing, or any review-cliche for that, haha
-vesta

Vexed and Tired
2007-08-16
ch 1,

abuseGreat beginning. It's fast-paced and incredibly (understandably) angry. There's some really clever lines in this, my favourite being

"With me on damp land,

And you caught in dried sea."

I'm not sure, however, that all of your lines work quite as brilliantly as the two I've highlighted. For some reason, "Said no, and screamed god damn." kinda sounds like you were just struggling to come up with rhymes there. Sometimes, if the rhyme restricts your work, it's better to leave it out and insert something else. I think the "said no," bit works, but its the end which I'm not over-fond of.

Despite this, I think you'e created a marvelous song with some fantastic imagery. I can't really figure out why you've used the sea, but that's just me being too slow to sit and figure it out, not the writing.

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