(Andy was not aloud to move from) that should be allowed.

(He had sneaked it out of) that should snuck. I'm not sure, but i don't think sneaked is a word.

neway i'm liking so far. and u don't really need a beta that bad so far, but i've only gotten this far. i like this story though.

Hello Hana, You sure have a vivid imagination. I am not sure I would put in about all the blood and things, but very descriptive. You should be a professional writer one day. Thanks for sharing your book!

Right on. This first chapter reads like what it's telling. Does that make sense? What I mean is, it's going smoothly and steadily and then all of the sudden, BAM. It's like pushing someone in front of a car, if you catch my drift. I don't know if that was intentional, but it works very well.

Some things to consider: aloud- out loud; allowed- permissible. Sensation is a synonym of feeling. I'd go through and double check spelling; a few words are missing their D's and S's on the ends.

Heads up: the last sentence is missing a period. Just so you know.

As far as prologues go, this one was pretty good, in my opinion. I'd like to see the original one, too. I personally don't think a prologue has to be terribly long. Sometimes I like them even more when they're confusing, because a lot of times it entices me to read more just to figure out what in the world the narrator was talking about. Your Prologue had a very strong voice, and I liked that, because I tend to enjoy character driven stories best. There were a few sentences that didn't flow together so well, but otherwise- good start. I'll keep reading.

Nice story. keep writing

i love this story! please please pleae write more! it's just too awsome!

Great chapter! Andy not remembering her is a good way to extend the story. I think the character development is going very smoothly. Good job! Ryn

Hey, I only read the beginning of it because I'm short on time right now but plan to add my Favorite Stories so I can get back to it later, so far I liked it because it started like mine. A mystery person in someone's dream, I know mine takes a different route from yours but it was still cool. Anyway I'll review more later, in the meantime please read my story, "The Dream". And please R&R, thanks

I love the idea.

However, maybe you could tone down using words such as "tresses"? For some reason, I hate it when people use words like "tresses" or "optics".

But good work.

This is really amazing. good work

wel, that is intresting. puts a good twist to it. keep writing

oh. that was a twist. nice work

poor girl. hope she gets better and i wonder what happened to the boy.

very sad. almost made me cry. nice work

wow. nice work, how old is Andy?