FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| PersnickitySnit 2007-08-16 ch 1,   | oh dear. i hate to say it, hun, but this is a mess already, and it's only three paragraphs long. spelling mistakes are in every other word, and the writing is mediocre. if you really have the urge to continue, give it to someone to read over and edit. i'm afraid it needs it...badly. good luck! roxie |
| FantasiaFirst 2007-08-15 ch 1, | Hi, there are so many spelling mistakes and typos. Dishonorable, not dishonerable. Genetically, not geneticly. die, not dye in the below sentence: claimed it was for 'medicine,' but he was profaning the natural order, so he had to dye. Skylar, not skylar. It's a name so you have to CAP it. Now, not know in the below sentence: know, she needed a new source of blood. And you really need to start putting big caps for words at the start of each sentence. And typing and as n?? It's like typing a really crude draft and expecting us to read it. It's so distracting. The story is so telling, it's not even fun to read. Try showing the story instead with events and letting us know Skylar's history later. The concept is fun. But also overdone. You need to find a better way of tackling the story. And your grammar is good but spelling is atrocious. You need to start depending on spellcheck. Type out the story in Word instead of Notepad which has no spellcheck. ~Fantasia |