FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| C.F. Anne 2007-10-17 ch 1,  | abuseO...very nice. Love the way you created suspense in the prologue. I'm really eager to see what happens next. And the way you had it flow was great. Personally I hope you update this story soon. I thought that the descriptions were very vivid. All in all, nice job! keep it up. |
| SexyCinderella 2007-10-11 ch 1, | abuseI like the premise.You have a very good writting, and the plot seems interesting. You give us just the information enough to us to want to "reveal" the mystery, to be curious about. The separation between the characters´s Pov is very well obtained, altough it´s a little confusing at first. And I want to add something, just because I´m a little obsess with children´s psicology: I think that the baby was too quite to the situation she was living. But is just my opinio. Overall, it seems as a great story! Nice start. Love, Mag |
| In.the.Wardrobe 2007-10-08 ch 1, | abusehey. interesting premise. i was a bit unsure on the second paragraph, as you were describing the town. you described things that the M.C couldn't know, like how the fishermen were warned about kelpies down at the stream's edge. unless, of course, the M.C was properly informed about everything involving the town beforehand, by his 'master'. in that case, good work :) i like how you've given us just enough information to be curious about. you mentioned this "master" and the second character said he could've "Flown". overall, nice start! |
| C. Chen 2007-09-19 ch 1, | abuseI like it you should keep going. i think you're writing itslef is pretty good. And in this chapter the action seems to be brewing =). I especially like you're descriptions because i can picture the scenes when i'm reading it. ^ ^ |
| SilverFeline 2007-08-16 ch 1, | abuseIt's a good start. But I was a bit confused when you changed people, because they are both male. also. You should make it more clear that the first man is on the West road, because I had to re-read that to figure it out. Other than that, I like it. You have some detailed description, and you build up the sense a lot. I can feel the questions just waiting to be asked. Good job! |
| RoxyFairy 2007-08-15 ch 1, | abusethat poor little girl- has a destiny of being wanted so she can be killed, just like her family. kinda reminds u of harry potter, doesnt it? |