 Disquieted Muse 2007-08-21 . chapter 1I assume the line relates to the lead paint on some Chinese toys.
All in all a very competent effort... you have avoided many of the traps people fall when writing about events they have little knowledge of, including regurgitating clichés and reinterpreting news photography. My only concern is that you do not appear to possess any emotions deeper than initial disgust, a perfectly justified emotion. This, therefore, limits your ability to gain emotional credibility such as you get with Cohen. I appreciate you are not Leonard Cohen but developing an aspect of emotional credibility by creating some pathos with your subject matter may allow you to take your writing to the next level.
Just a friendly hint... Very good though... Much better than average. |