FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Zonne 2008-02-24 ch 1,  | abuseI liked. An interesting subject. What made you think of this? I mean, who thinks of a Phoenix with that much compassion? Really interesting. You should do more, similar, work. |
| bleepbloopbanana 2007-08-19 ch 1, | abuseGood one shot. A few things that annoyed me though... repetition. Ex. "I feel completely helpless – I feel like I need to help you, but I don't know how to." You're just basically giving the definition of helpless there, and it isn't necessary. Things like that make the narrative choppy and harder to read. There were a few grammar/spelling mistakes, like 'can not' which should be cannot. I can see how you tried to make the prose flow, and it worked somewhat. It could certainly be improved, but I enjoyed it nevertheless. Good work, and keep at it. -Bleep |
| AkunamattataTM 2007-08-16 ch 1, | abuseWhat.The.Hell. |