Awesome first chapter, it sucks that people felt the need to steal your story, but hopefully you keep writing, and maybe I'll be able to finish reading this on plagiarism haven.

Hello, so I read this first chapter (I've been reading a lot of "first chapters" lately) and it was powerful.

Fiona's interaction with her parents and viceversa was described as this perfet, happy, beautiful we-came-out-of-a-fairytale family, but you knew how to use it and instead of backfiring back to you it worked perfectly to increase the chilly feeling of your story. Kind of when you're watching a horror move and, on it, this beautiful kid is playing alone, back facing the camera and you can hear this lullaby-dollhouse music playing. You know for sure something bad's about to happen.

The Wizard of Oz metaphor was delicious to read too, the final sentence sent chills down my spine.

Congrats, and as I once said to Myrika in an email: don't let plagiarizers take your love for writing away, you deserve to be read, and you know it.

Amen, sister. :)

How awful! It upsets me when people think that plagiarism is ok. I'm disgusted.

YOu definitely have my support, and fictionpress definitely needs to take action on this.

I am incredibly sorry for this.

arghimapirate.

So I can still read your stories, only on a different site? And do we get a mail when it's updated, like here? I'm just curious, because I'm definitely gonna go there, because your stories are just too addictive!
Grtz Silencia

Hey, so I just made a live journal account and honestly I have no idea how to use it lol 'Cause apparently all my favorite story writers are moving there, I'm really sorry about all those dumbasses who have no sense of creativity. By the way, I haven't plagiarized, so I can join right? lol
Umm... I'll see if I can figure out LiveJournal lol
How would I find you or your community?
~Amanda~
P.S. Oh by the way, my username is FlyingHobo(lol)just in case it confuses you, so, ya that's me, faithful reader

I am so sad to hear about the plagiarism of your stories and while I understand that you are taking the action that you feel is necessary to protect your work, I am sad to hear you do so. Do you realize that by joining a private community you will be restricting the traffic on your story and not all your readers will want to take the steps to continue reading and there will probably be few new readers. While at this time I will not be joining the lj community, perhaps if, as you say, more authors leave fp I will create an account. Best of luck, and continue writing.

okay so just came across this now, so ill answer some of your questions, although i dont actually how much youve written of the next one but just in case:
Overall i think, it needed more Kane and Fiona 'bonding time' (as ridiculous as that sounds lol), because though it was better near the end, it just seemed really sudden when she started saying she loved him, like she didnt seem to like him that much for most of the begginning, and she didnt know him that well. And towards the end i would have liked a little more of them on their own, mabye some fluff perhaps? :D And a scene with just them re-uniting after the long time that she wouldnt see him.
I think it would be cool to know more about the coven and the workings of vampires and how her family came to the town and adopted her and more clarity between whats a born vamp and a normal one.

I really loved this, great romance and there was just something about it that...made it unique, and even though youre redoing it, which will make it amazing, i still think it was written quite well , and the plot was great, i loved all the action and mystery part. I didnt like her family that much though, when her dad just left in the bar and they didnt even hug her or tell her they loved her whenever they knew she possibly going to her death, it just seemed they were more like strong friends or siblings, with no protectiveness or love that a family had, even paul at times, like when he first saw her after shed been turned and only said, 'its great to see you'.
Cant wait to read the newer version and more of your stories!

Hi! I just wanted to say that I really like your story :) Everything is evenly paced, and the characters aren't flat, like others. I absolutely LOVE Fiona; she keeps a cool head and always has a sense of humor :D

It's great that there are still some amazing vampire fictions being published after Twilight. The isolated, midwest theme, i think, makes the story seem more suspenseful because its like theres really nothing to do in that town but for the plot to go on.

I thought that Kane's confusion about his feelings was a little too abrupt in this chapter, or rather, he said too much, but i'm sure its necessary to move the plot along.

Thanks for sharing ur writing with everyone :)

Hi

Very cool story!

Thanks for writing it, and that preview at the bottom is maddo too.

millie xx

Cool story!
great job!
Jaliy!~

That was so sad! If i was that little girl...ugh. I don't have any idea what i would do!

The story was absolutly AMAZING! I loved all of your characters, and the story line was fabulous. I just don't understand why you didn't make her a born vampire.
I was wondering if the rewrite is a lot different than the original. (I'm thinking I'm going to read the rewrite too.)
Thanks-
~chaos.into.shadow

I just finished reading this story and I gotta say WOW! i loved it! i actually started reading the revised version but since thats only up to chapter 4 and my curiosity was DYING to know what happened next, i read this version.

just a few problems that i'm sure someone's already mentioned but i don't actually have time to read the reviews (since i have to head off to class soon)so i thought i'd jus quickly mention them:

in this chapter, after she finds out she's turned...she talks about how kane's eyes were red and puffy, as if he'd been crying but she knew that wasn't possible b/c vampires can't cry...but then after she finds out she's turned, she starts crying...is this b/c she's still turnING..so she has human qualities left? ...maybe u mentioned it and i missed it

another thing was Sebastian and her mom's high school relationship...it seemed odd because he looks older than a high school student and also, high school is in the morning, which is when he's supposed to be sleeping

and finally, the staking and beheading thing...i'm confused about that because usually its all about staking to kill a vampire so it didn't seem weird when fiona kept mentioning that as the way to kill sebastian but then its beheading that will kill him? i guess you just need some elaboration on that in ur revised version...like maybe she just says staking cuz its the common myth

Overall though, i LOVED LOVED LOVED ur story...ur story was pretty consistent throughout and ur characters were brilliant...especially how Kane falls in love even though he isn't supposed to have feelings like that...loved it.
you did a GREAT job!

can't wait to read Forbidden Blood...from what i read so far of that story, i liked it and i think it sounds a bit more ...umm ...put together.

anyways...GREAT STORY..Can't wait for the sequel and the rewrite :D