Reviews for Witches - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Witches

dawn9800 2008-07-14 ch 12,	abuseI really like this story will there be any more of it?
tyedye7272 2007-11-24 ch 1,	abuseOkay, i'm normally not much of a fire-spitter, but it just can't be helped. Thank you for keeping it in nice, neat forming so that this review can be nice and organized. Paragraph one. I can't tell if the "None will stand before me" is supposed to be a failed attempt at foreshadowing or just an over-cliched crapline. And "large dark demon monster"? I count about three things wrong with that, and that's just at a glance. And mystical creature population. I get the impression the there are more "mystical creatures" than just this town. Oh yeah ,and you somehow managed to use the term "quivering in fear of him" twice in a single, two line paragraph. on to paragraph two. Just take this out. It is crappy, and pointless, and just makes it sound like a stupid children's book. Paragraph 3: say ten, not 10. if you want the first sentence to suck a little less, try at least saying were, instead of was. "We will stand up to you" is incredibly pathetic. Almost worse than the first line. Paragraph 4: How can they all be holding hands and placing a hand on each of the other witchess' shoulders at the same time, while remaining in a V formation? Paragraph 5 & 6: No decent wiutch team would call out "attack 1, and Attack two, when they use a spell. If they are any decent mages, they would be able to communicate telepathically. Also, in paragraph six, if there was a "body of water as large as the Pacific Ocean," it would no doubt be hundreds of thousands of times bigger than the witches, the demon, and the whole city, so that isn't even logical. Paragraph 7:i actually have nothing to say about this one besides the "attack 3" deal Paragraph 8: Why is the demon holding his gut if he got stabbed in the face? paragraph 9: And if he's a demon and the rest are all dog people and cat people, sure, they're all mystical creatures, but saying that killing them is treason against his own kind is a little out there. It's like saying that humans killing monkeys (which i'm totally against, don't get me wrong) is treason against our own kind becasue we're both primates. Paragraph 10: Oh my god this one sucked. "The group of frieghtened creatures were covered with a spell that was building them a town and hiding it from eyes of the traitorous using a complicated entry tunnel." Ooh, scary. COME ON! If you're going to put in something this stupid, at least add in some description to make up for it. Oh, and what are "pigment differences?" Paragraph 11:"a stripe of white of light force?" Oh, and something that i noticed in every otehr paragraph as well, there's a little thing called a comma. Ever heard of it. It's the little key between the M and the period. Use it sometime. Paragraph 12: Okay, we're finally coming to an end with this bonfire. witches' life force. "A bright light blinded all." You know what, why don't you take out this last part, or add on more, as it provides nothing to the story as is. Okay, I'm done. Stay toasty!
Tiger-Sparks 2007-09-18 ch 8,	abuseSo we finally meet mother walker. So i'm guessing in the next chapter Liz will find out everything? I hope so :) KeL xx
Tiger-Sparks 2007-09-16 ch 7,	abuseWow, this chapter is very good. So they're going to meet mother walker in the next chapter? I can't wait :) KeL xx
melly 2007-09-15 ch 6, anon.	abusei like this story it's very interesting please update soon i want her to meet mother walker and know more about this world u created! ^.^
Tiger-Sparks 2007-09-13 ch 6,	abuseGreat chapter :) I liked all the different creatures you put in it. I like Al too :) Please do more soon! KeL xx
AHHHHHHHH!!!!! 2007-09-01 ch 2, anon.	abuseTHEY'RE IS NOT THEIR GET IT RIGHT! Ahem. I'm reading.
Tiger-Sparks 2007-09-01 ch 5,	abuseWonderful chapter! I loved the part at the wall. Can't wait for more. KeL xx
Tiger-Sparks 2007-08-30 ch 4,	abuseI really like this story, got a little freaked out by the little girl, woman, and man who where...dead or something? But i do like this story, please do more soon! KeL xx

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