|Reviews for True Love From The End|
| CeruleanSparrow 6/20/09 . chapter 1
So far, this seems like a good story. But some things could use a little work. For one, your grammer. It's horrible. But it's not something that cant be fixed. An example would be:
Being adopted at 2 after both my parents were arrested, I don’t have a single memory of them.
It should be something more like...
No, I preferred to sit at home with my parents. My adoptive parents, that is. My real parents were arrested when I was two years old for (whatever they were arrested for). I was sent to a foster home in Rye, New York.
See? Not only does it sound better, but it provides length, which you're also missing. Also, you're confusing words, like AND where AT should be. Simple mistake, it's why we proofread. Also, and this is just an opinion, some of the things you say are a bit cliche. Like you're trying to base this story on books you've read or movies you've seen. For instance:
I know they tried to be there as much as they could, but they didn’t complete college so it was hard for them to get jobs with decent hours, so they had to do what they had to do in order to survive. It just doesnt sound right. Take your time, be descriptive, and be original. Lots of people get the same ideas, and that's fine, just dont phrase yours the same way. Still, there were alot of things about your story I did like, one being that it was very abstract and also that your vocabulary was pretty good.
I really enjoyed this and I'll continue to read.
| kiiwiikraze 8/17/07 . chapter 4
I've never really read these kinds of stories.
I don't really know, I don't find them all that addictive I guess. but this one, I really wanna know what happens.
It's an amazing story, update soon. :D