Reviews for Existence - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Existence

Silv3rDr34mS 2008-02-28 ch 1,	abuse(originally for the review game, but Billie beat me to it. darn.) This entire piece sounds like you threw in random elements and forced it to rhyme. The only thing that connects is the rhyming, but that's only every two lines and it switches to something new. Sorry to say this, but I must (I'm not trying to be mean, just honest). This poem doesn't flow at all and I can only vaguely grasp the theme within every two lines, but the theme does not exist as a whole. Because you speak of different elements and their nature, I would try to progress from nature to things man-made to emotions to man and try to make it rhyme there instead. SUGGESTION: follow this sequence maybe? "flower","dandelion","willow","bird" - nature "song","gift","glass","sword","chain" - man-made "feeling","love","hate" - emotions "flame","breath","fire","artist","old man","life","death","gray","presence" - man I like the idea of describe the existence of every element you could name off the top of your head, but I think it would be clever to use the order of 'creation' (from the ground up to the people who 'control' the world - or at least try to tame nature) hand in hand with existence. ~silv3rdr34ms PS: this is just my opinion. If you don't care to change the whole thing, that's fine by me. After all, it's your poem, not mine. =)
Billie.Joelle 2008-02-28 ch 1,	abuseI love it! I love how you thought of all those things to apply to "existence". Very, very creative. I really love the rhyme scheme in it too. If I had to say one thing, it would be the lack of punctuation. But other than that, the poem is truly amazing. Nice job. ~BJ
J.L. Hastings 2007-09-07 ch 1,	abuseAh! I loved it! This poem is simply amazing, and I'm being honest. I really don't read very much poetry, but this was awesome! If I could give you constructive criticism, I would, but this poem is just awesome. I absolutely love the constant use of simile and there's nothing I would change. I also liked that it rhymed. I like rhyming poems; they flow better. ^_^
xfail 2007-08-26 ch 1,	abuseThis is fantastic! Not once did the rhyming sound forced, and not once did I question the validity of anything you said. Good job.
bleepbloopbanana 2007-08-19 ch 1,	abuseI don't know much about poetry so I can't really offer you any critique without embarrassing myself... so I won't. But I did like this. It was simple and poignant, my favorite kind. The ending was my favorite part, though I would like to see what you had added on there. Good work and keep it up. -Bleep
Kenna-Kat11 2007-08-19 ch 1,	abuseI LOVE THIS! This is so good...i love how it alternates but still keeps up the rhyme scheme...i can't belive i am the first one to review this...totally amazing! Keep up the good work! ~E~

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