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| Andrea Roycee 2008-04-01 ch 1,  | abuseOhmygosh! I loved this poem, i mean it was almost unbearably beautiful! Wonderful JOb! |
| Manuel Fajar 2008-02-28 ch 1, | abuseInteresting conception: lot's to ponder. m |
| Silv3rDr34mS 2008-02-27 ch 1, | abuseI like the simplicity of this, the rhyming and most of all, the idea behind the whole concept of the death of body and soul. I'll be bringing in some concrit here, so please bear with me... You have a typo in the third line. "brakes" is supposed to be 'breaks'. I see how you're trying to rhyme "latter" and "shatter", but this line does not agree with the previous line in that latter refers to the second subject and not the first. In the final line, you speak of the soul. Technically speaking, in the third line, you are referring to the body 'breaking and shattering' as opposed to the soul. Hence, in the third line, you are actually references the soul 'breaking and shattering' - not the body. If this were the case, the soul can not be left over and the second half of this poem does not make sense due to disagreement. By changing the subject in the latter half, you disrupted the flow in trying to rhyme the poem which makes it look like you forced these lines to rhyme. If you change "latter" to 'former' and compromise the rhyming within that line, the entire poem would flow nicely and make much more sense. ~silv3rdr34ms |
| Twilight Starr 2007-12-01 ch 1, | abuseGreat description. Nice work. ~Twilight Starr~ |
| Thenardier 2007-09-15 ch 1, | abuseThis is extremely provocative. I loved this profusely. The juxtaposition present is done elegantly. The rhythmn and rhyming was a treat too. Oh, and the way it was typed out, it's visually appealing. |
| J.L. Hastings 2007-09-07 ch 1, | abuseYeah, it is really short, but it still gets its point across. Loved it! |
| Ariel of Wonderland 2007-09-01 ch 1, | abuseShort, and for some reason, I found this really uplifting. Don't ask me why, it's just one of those things. Very good, dear. |
| xfail 2007-08-26 ch 1, | abuseVery nice. Short, but not too short; still very impactful. Good job! |
| ohthevoices 2007-08-20 ch 1, | abuseIt made me think of Harry Potter, with Voldie's Horcruxes, with the whole "breaking and shattering" idea. Short, but did a good job making your point. |
| Kenna-Kat11 2007-08-19 ch 1, | abuseshort but still very good and sad, keep it up ~E~ |