wonderful story^_^ i luv ut

I loved it, absolutely loved it. I especially loved how you gave colors to feelings - "The silver pain of all my efforts to hold back" - and I loved the conversation between her and her mother (I suppose you would call it a conversation...? xD) Anyway. Just loved it.

Oh...pretty. That was amazing. Very intense, very other-worldly. Fantastic descriptions. I love it!
-Hadley

wow, gorgeous writing! it's kind of weird, but in a way that REALLY works. very intense piece, and I love the ending paragraph. it's just killer!

Wow, amazing. It was great.

Well, it reminded me a bit of 'Fugitive Pieces' by Anne Michaels. The imagery was particularly evocative, especially "sight her hair fanned out like a desperate banner".

Possibly my favourite line was: "A ribbon of spite, the fetid flash of many insect-feed on the back of my neck." It was beautifully poetic.

Wow. That was intense. I don't know how you did it. It's so great to see pieces like this, especially of this length. I feel like you just got caught in this story and it wouldn't let you go until you finished it. It's gorgeous. Love it. Keep writing! :)

Wow. There are no other words.

That was beautiful. Simply beautiful. It was a joy to read. You did a very good jon, though I wonder how envy had a daughter. what ever the case, it was beautiful.

-Rose

Very avant-garde. The imagery is sensational and the emotions are almost tangible.