FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| no.peace.los.angeles 2007-11-02 ch 1,  | abuseWell, that was interesting. There's a lot of good stuff in here; one of my favorite lines was "Flaccid." So simple, yet perfect. I'm not a huge fan of the formatting. Maybe it's just how each line is its own sentence. That's more of a personal choice, though. You know my poems are all about line breaks and such. But yeah, the imagery is really fascinating and vivid, and the language is really nice. Elegant. I just don't care for the formatting that much. Keep writing! :) |
| Otis Fulp 2007-10-04 ch 1, | abuseI think you hold the record for "most penile innuendos" thanks to this poem. By the way... Run out of bizarre comments on me? :D |
| heroin zombie 2007-09-03 ch 1, | abuseon a scale of 1 to 10, I'd say this is an 7 when it comes to overwriting, but I’d say that the language is generally too formal, but I did like some of the more chaotic bits, oh and the end was kinda didactic and therefore gay |
| fragmented waterfalls 2007-08-22 ch 1, | abuseOkay, gonna try to decipher again. I see that the sailor has managed to stay with the sea nymph, but nothing is as it seems, and he learns this the worst way possible. He was living a utopian dream of sex and flesh with this beauty and she basically threw him away. And the only thing I understand from the second half of this part II, is that he ends up dying in his own filth of expected desires and dreams. This is true though, there is no armageddons; only individual apocalypses and personal hells. It's how you traverse through them that determines who you are, and how your life will turn out. |