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| Ayenti Hwann 2007-11-22 ch 1, | abuseI like the line breaks, how you divided a thought into several lines. It really works here. |
| Susannah Simon 2007-08-24 ch 1, | abuseooh. so powerful! i love the part "gripping...for a lifeline". the lifeline part was a really strong reference! i think it could have ended at "gasping for breath". i think the "for more" was unnecessary. great poem though! -suze |
| Hydrangea Syrup of DOOM 2007-08-21 ch 1, | abuseum...YOU DISTURB ME! otherwise it's good, if you look at the writing. sorry just not really in to this kind of thing. |
| Sophie Ulquiorra Allen 2007-08-21 ch 1, | abuseI love these types of poems, where you get the sensuality and the deeper love all in one package. Great use of rythym here, and the description is good too...the only thing I would caution you against is using the word 'thigh' too much; it tends to get very repetitive here. Anyway, very nice poem! |