This probably would have made much more sense had I read the story with the characters in it. lol But I'll do my best. Things seem to be very disjointed and there's not much flow to it. It was kind of like reading a comic book without pictures. Grammar and spelling were good, although you did miss a couple of parenthsis, so I misspelled that word. The ending was quite amusing though. Good job.

I LOVE it!! Saavey...call him Saavey even if he wants to be called Saav or Saavedro...sounds like a real life parallel, eh? (because you will always be "SAAVEY" you stupid boy!!) AHEM. Who's Jubin? Or am I stupid...? Don't answer that.