FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| simpleplan13 2008-02-18 ch 1,  | abuseI think other than the line about being blue the rhyming was really great... The other thing that seemed odd was the first line... I couldnt tell if it was just the title or part of the piece... if its not part of the piece I might capitalize all the words or bold it... and if its part of the piece I might get rid of the capitalization The piece is really sweet.. it's such a great message and very heartfelt... awesome job |
| LadderInMyTights 2007-10-24 ch 1, | abuseLove is in the air, everywhere I look around. Every sight and every sound.. Sorry to have gotten off track, but this so reminded me of that song. It's very good too. I'll bet you love that person very much (if you don't still, the poem was worthless and I suggest deleting it). You must be lying about this being the first time you've wrote a poem that rhymed XD Most people do terrible. Anyhow. Have a nice day. |
| Jeannie-Redd 2007-10-05 ch 1, | abuseI really like it, it flowed really well. I'm sure the person you wrote it for loves you too. Keep up the good work. ~Jeannie-Redd |
| Artemis Anderson 2007-08-28 ch 1, | abuseI loved this poem. Very well written. |
| Daiysis 2007-08-25 ch 1, | abusei must say, i do believe the ending is my favorite part... 'for the eternity I would wait just counting on fate to bring us together now and forever for the every second I spend waiting, wanting this moment to end to be near you once more and love you evermore' Who ever you were thinking about at the time, you must really love them, and by what I've read I have no doubt that they love you too. Anyways, on to constructive criticism! With the fact that you say that this was your very first rhyming poem, and knowing that you wrote this 10 minutes, I'd say you rhymed it really well. The only phrase that I stumbled over was 'that you turned into day' i dont know, that rhyme scheme and the one after it didnt seem like a "smooth" rhyme, or it just sounded odded to me... still love ya though! *smiles slyly* lol |