Reviews for Persuading the Nonbeliever

Reviews For: Persuading the Nonbeliever - Reviews: Page 1 of 7

waterlilies52 2008-06-29 ch 1,	abuseVery fast-paced. I love it! Thanks for reviewing my story by the way, a review for a review.
Written 2008-03-03 ch 9,	abusewell, that was a nice ending! I know you say you don't do excessive details, but some details might have helped the story out a little. You don't need to overdescribe everything, but something about the writing seemed a little choppy, and the plot was kind of... random? I know that's a little too vague. I think if you'd given the characters more depth and didn't use a desu-ex-machina like you did, it might have been better. but the happy ending is nice too :) what I mean is that like... everything was happy, then everything went insanely twisted (which is a good surprise!), but then you wrapped everything up really cleanly again (luke is redeemed, andy is still alive). it seems a little TOO happy? but it is your plot, so it's totally up to you. don't be offended that I said all that! other things you could work on would be like... character depth. you have a really interesting plot, and if you wrote it with more atmosphere, it could even be a real thriller. overall though, you did a good job! read it start to finish.
Written 2008-03-03 ch 7,	abusewhat started as a cute story has quickly veered off track :) I think it would be even better if you made luke kinda creepy from the start, but not really so much that we could notice right away. or maybe you did and I just didn't notice.
Written 2008-03-03 ch 5,	abusethere's so much drama in this story! it's not a bad thing, it's just different :)
Written 2008-03-03 ch 3,	abuseHello again! I've noticed the grammar things, but you already talked about that in your profile... other than that, things are going good! your writing sometimes seems a little choppy, but this is an older story, so I'll have to check out something newer after this :)
Written 2008-03-03 ch 2,	abusehmm. darren seems interesting.
Written 2008-03-03 ch 1,	abuseooh, cute story! you've written so much that I have no idea where to start, but this looks fun :)
Sydney 2008-02-05 ch 9, anon.	abusemaybe a B what about brant? did he stop being a secret alcoholic - did he get someone in his life too whos features did Andrea get? you got a couple of small spelling mistakes there arnt that many and some punctuation in the wrong place thats about it otherwise I loved this story
Hoodwynk 2008-01-13 ch 9,	abuseNice details on the wedding. That could be a girl thing instead of a writer thing, though. Nice ending and you were creative with how you made it a cheerful one by curing Luke.
Hoodwynk 2008-01-13 ch 8,	abuseSo cute. I liked how you had a gay guy in a good light. They take way too much persecution.
Hoodwynk 2008-01-13 ch 7,	abuseGood chapter- everything fit together fairly well. It didn't seem like you had to force it to fit the story.
Hoodwynk 2008-01-13 ch 6,	abuseYou did a good job on the depths of Darren's charie.
Hoodwynk 2008-01-13 ch 5,	abuseI like how she was naively innocent, but not to the point of being stupid/clueless. (concerning Luke's charie)
Hoodwynk 2008-01-13 ch 4,	abuseI like the flashbacks because they seem to have a great relevance to the story. It mixes things up.
Hoodwynk 2008-01-13 ch 3,	abuseNice having each charie have different motives and telling the reader about them.

Return to Top