o good chapter! i wonder wast wrong with her? do we find out soon? plz update soon, i luv this story!

Ok, It's good (frome what I've read so far... being teh first chapter) but there are couple minor things.

1."I’m a Protector. We have these cool powers that you’ll probably learn more about later. The only problem is that Protectors aren’t very good creatures and we have very little self-control. They are incredibly violent and killers by nature. I happen to not like to kill things even though I’m good at it."

This part I think it's a little random hwo you keep switching between I and They it would probably sounds betterto replace They with we. To make it flow better.

and

2."'Eureka!' Kazuki exclaimed as he came running through the door with his iPhone in head."

is head supposed to be hand? i was slightly confused by this.

But other than that it looks great I'm going to go read the other chapters now. :)

Hey, i'm still read'n! lol. anyways, what's wrong with Cele? what did the doctor tell her? what was Myles gonna say ...? what's gonna happen in the next chap! lol, well, whatev, u get it, i'm curious. well, UPDATE SOON! _

well, since u said that note, i decided to review like this! its me, the same toboe059, so yeah. i knew Kaya had someth'n! though, i thought she was a Protector ... well, whatev! i'm all late review'n and crap! well, i can't wait to see what'll happen next! and i won't say update soon, since i see the next chap! well, whatev, u get it! _

toboe059

Still reading and enjoyinh

So, I really really like this chapter. I think it's very well written, as you are improving as a writer. And I like the new version of this story; I think the quality is much better than the original.

Love the cliffy with Celeste and her condition!

Want to hear something hilarious? When I tried to review while signed in, it gave me a "reviwe" rejected message. And it was spelled just like that! "reviwe" instead of review. Anyway, I can't even remember if I have reviewed this specific chapter before. I know I've read it, but that doesn't mean anything! Anyway, very cute. I really like Kaya.

Nice beginning. I usually do not like information dumps at the beginning of a story, but this is done very well.

On a side note, you want to delete you first chapter if you do not like it or do some type of edit. It does not look good to start a story like that. Just some friendly advise.

Just looking at the ending and checking out the story. What made Cele pass out?

And what's going on with her dad? Is he really planning to kill his own family?

I quite like the self conscious opener you have, it's pretty quirky :).

Saying that, I don't know if Celeste describing her powers as 'cool' didn't detract from the actual coolness of the powers, caling them cool like that seemed a little julvenile.

The way you introduced the characters, one after the other like that was a bit much. They were very well characterised, but it was a little hard to get a decent grasp of who's who.

I'm a little confused by the culture they have at this place, once again it's quite quirky but you have contrasting names like Dezi and Celeste and there are vampires and Burger Kings...all original but a little bit weird.

I wish you'd put Celeste in a position where she showed her powers as opposed to just telling the reader about them.

Overall good start! Keep writing!

that's wack. the chap was really cool though! i think it probably was the energy drink that made Cele feel that way. so does that mean Kaya's gonna get sick too? they need to let each other know they both Protectors or whatever ... anyways,dang, Cele's father is cruel ... he doesn't give a crap for his own family? well, whatev, can't wait for the next chap! UPDATE SOON! _

ohh, cant wait till the next chapter! evil EVIL father!

i found one mistake, His eyes clouded with confusion over my peek on his cheek

i think you meant peck, not PEEK... anyway, i love your writing!

WHOA! I forgot all about this chapter! Man, it seems like it's been forever since I read it! Dude!

Okay, once again FP has screwed up the section headings... pfft... Oh fiddle... the last word should be "me". Haha... funny how it's easier to catch stuff after it's too late...

The visions are great. I am afraid to comment on them... as I know more about what they mean than other readers.. I don't want to blow anything.

Yay Good job!

oh! please update soon! Ace is funny! i like him!

are we gonna see more of Giselle? Cuz at the moment, i dont really no what to make of her!

i really love this story! though its a bit abrupt in places, and it takes me a while to get the gist of whats going on, i really love it!