FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Melissa Norvell 2007-09-14 ch 2,  | abuseHm...Aside from the captialization errors, it does feel like it lacks something, but I too can't seem toput my finger on it. Perhaps it's description of the background and scenery your characters exist in. I think the characters and world they exist in need further description. Unlike the reader, you know what your characters and the world they exist in look like, but as readers remember that our minds are completely blank and it's up the author to paint a picture in our heads. Other then that, I'd say that you have a pretty good story here. I can't wait to read another chapter. |
| Melissa Norvell 2007-08-29 ch 1, | abuseInteresting prolouge. I wonder what the rest of the story has in store. If you have the time, please feel free to check out some of my works. |