Reviews for Night Terrors - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Night Terrors

MagicWords 2008-08-20 ch 1,	abusei loved the last line. this was really neat, i wonder how he received those wounds...? I like how he comes to the conclusion that hes not an animal, he has control. now we already know hes not some crazy, bloodthirsty vampire. nice work. too bad i might have to wait for more. hey in the mean time, would you like to check out one of my fantasy stories? id like to get some critique and you seem to be a really good writer. if you have time that is... nice story. good work.
Sword of the Earth 2008-01-29 ch 1,	abuseI truly hope you are still writing this! The obvious conflict between his conscious mind and his "natural nature" per say, is very well portrayed...I am curious of how it will further affect him if put in a new setting. "Losing so much blood had taken its toll on Doran’s usually steely resolve and he felt his control waver and his pupils dilate. It would be so easy. She wouldn’t even feel anything. He could see the pulse beating strongly beneath the skin in her neck. His lips parted as he leaned closer, his mouth as dry as sandpaper." I like it how there are moments, such as that, where his vampire self surges to the fore...before being put in check by his mind. Hope you are still working on this, and I look forward to another chapter, -ST
Unidentified Flying Waffle 2008-01-08 ch 1,	abuseI really enjoyed this. I'm always up for some good vampire literature (writing some myself at the moment) and finding something nicely written made my day. The prose flows smoothly and there's a nice dark air of mystery to it. Lots of questions by the end of it, not too many answers thoug; leave me wanting more. If you did decide to continue this, I would definately read it. Your vampire is obviously very conflicted, and I love his vampire cravings but how they need to be checked by his huan conscience. It's done a lot (like in 'Twilight' and Buffy) but I still like it. I like the note this passgae ends on with the girl coming close to danger and not knowing it. She seems kind and very innocent as to what's happening. I wonder if they will come to be a romantic pairing later on? I would also realy like to know what had happened to Doran to get him into this situation. (Flashbacks can be fun! ^^) I like his thoughts: short and sweet and realistic. I'll have to check out your other stuff. ~Unidentified Flying Waffle
Reda 2007-12-22 ch 1,	abuseHello there. I stumbled upon your story, so here goes a review. I review as I go, and will quote things telling what I like - and what I don't - to be fair. Here goes: - "Doran opened his eyes to a strange ceiling." - I like this opener. Already have your readers asking questions - or at least me. :) "Feeling dawn drawing near." Ya know. This may just be me, but how does one 'feel' dawn? 'feel' pertains to 'touch' and dawn isn't exactly something one can touch, if you understand? Perhaps 'sensing' would be a better word (or a synonym of that, seeing as one can sense almost anything). This could just be my preference of diction, so take it as you will. "Soundlessly, Doran levered himself -" Again, I'm being diction picky. 'levered' sounds odd, making me step back, re-read and 'huh' before moving on. Such a distraction could be avoided with a different choice of word. "...his mouth as dry as sandpaper." :) I like this simile. - Very intriguing. I hope you continue this. I like your writing style, word usage (save for my diction picky-ness here and there), and imagery. It works as a nice little one-shot, but I shall story alert it in case you decide to make it something more. Fare thee well. ~Reda~
Shauni 2007-11-28 ch 1,	abuseThis was interesting. The conflicting emotions in the main character was portayed very well. Some parts felt a bit rushed but apart from that it was good.
Fluffy Piranha 2007-09-17 ch 1,	abuseMerry Meet. Man, this is probably the best first chapter of a vampire book I have read online yet. I was completely absorbed into this story, and I pray you will continue it and not let it go to waste. You have such talent in writing, and there was only one thing that I spotted wrong throughout reading it. Cheers to you. - 1.) Losing so much blood had taken its toll on Doran’s usually steely resolve and he felt his control waver and his pupils dilate. (( I don't like how you didn't separate anything with a comma in this part, it would let the reader have a chance to take a small break, then continue reading. Try reading that sentence out loud without a breath, just doesn't seem right, you know? * Losing so much blood had taken its toll on Doran’s usually steely resolve, and he felt his control waver and his pupils dilate. * ))
For What Its Worth 2007-09-14 ch 1,	abuseThis is a VERY good start. Such a chapter makes one wish for more. However, it is rather stilted in a couple of places. For instance, when he speaks of the tenderness of his former wounds, it did not sound right. And as Mark Twain said, it does not do to use any other than the perfect word.
N.E. Olson 2007-09-06 ch 1,	abuseWow. There really isn't more of a story behind this yet? That makes me sad. I really enjoyed it. Your writing is smooth and polished. There are two areas I would like to make comments on. "...he felt the soreness widely arrayed all over his person." This is a little awkward and doesn't flow very smoothly. I think the problem is the wrod "arrayed"; it just doesn't seem right in this context. You could even take out "widely arrayed" and leave it as "...he felt the soreness all over his person." To me, this is easier to read. The second area is "...his mouth as dry as sandpaper." It's actually fine, but when I was reading it, I wanted to take out the first "as" so it would be "...his mouth dry as sandpaper." It isn't really necessary, but I thought it flowed better. Anyway, this is very good and I hope you continue with this story eventually! : )

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