Reviews for Falconidae - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Falconidae - Reviews: Page 1 of 7

x ally x 2008-07-10 ch 2,	abuseThis story is incredible. Great imagery and description! I’ve only read up to chapter three but it’s sentences like “the once brilliant blue of the skies, discoloured to a dull grey” that make me unable to stop reading. You are a very talented writer. Have you considered trying to publish this as a novel?
Dhuaine 2008-05-28 ch 28,	abuseWow, it certainly shows a promise of a good sequel. The scene on the cliff is one of the most touching I've ever seen from you. It seems your skills have greatly improved. I hope next chapters will have similarly good emotional impact :) The second part, however, was confusing and too short to be comprehensible. I understand your need to hint what the plot will be about, but it still feels kind of... off. ;)
Smoo231 2008-05-27 ch 28,	abuseBefore I begin, I realize you may not recognize my new username. I was formerly known as The Big Goron, just so you know... Very good opening in description and word choice, though the second part cries for more. I didn't really understand what was happening, which would normally be ok in the first chapter of something. The biggest problem was that I forgot who some of the characters were, namely Marcus and Lia. I fthey weren't in the last story, then you should add more description on them. Yes, overall more description in the second part would be better. On another note, I'm glad to see your character depth has seemed to improve, though very slightly. I could feel the connection between Chaise and his daughter, and I would like to see more feeling like you showed between other characters. Bluntly, there's no connection with your reader. I think I noticed this in your previous chapters, but couldn't quite pin the problem until now. Yes, more feeling. You don't need to put what exactly each character is thinking, but actions and the tone of their dialogue can say a lot as well. That's how you pulled off the connection with Chaise and his daughter: she laughed when she was near and hugged him, while Chaise could see that he still had a good life because he had his daughter. Even the narrator's tone can add some insight, like when you used the word "smarmy" to convey Marcus' voice. The opinion didn't come from your character's thoughts, but from the writer's. One last bit: try to keep this character interaction a bit subtle, or it will become too forced. An example would be how Alina and Chaise acted around each other in your previous parts. Aside from that I have no other gripes. It seems like a promising sequel, hopefully more satisfying than the last.
KuroKage1717 2008-05-27 ch 28,	abuseO! a sequel! loved the first part - it felt so melancholy and sad. beautiful.
Dhuaine 2008-04-17 ch 27,	abuseWhoa, where's my review? I came to check whether you were writing the sequel and it's not here. Weird. O.o Ch. 26: The ending seemed very abrupt. I honestly expected the story to enter its main arc in Syron's Keep. XD At first I didn't even understand what happened, I was so surprised. The very last part is great. Very climatic. Ch. 27: It starts as a very good chapter. It has great atmosphere; descriptions, albeit lengthy, are not boring and add to nostalgic mood. I like how you made Chaise recovery so long - it always irks me when a character is healed in a matter of seconds and suffers from no mental trauma. Big plus for you here ^^ I knew Kaede would make a fine woman. XD I hadn't expected her to pull off that kind of stunt, but it was great! Very interesting bit about twins too... It's not something usually associated with traditional elven culture, far from that! Morbid. I can't help but wonder if elves have more dirty secrets stashed somewhere... Now, the last part. It's really confusing. While it's certainly interesting and opens the story up to further questions, it kind of breaks the whole serene mood. The story could sound better if it was in yet another chapter or sequel... but the status is not complete so I guess it's alright then ^^; It would be smashing to read about Syron haunting Chaise in horror/supernatural setting. ^_^
gina 2008-01-16 ch 27, anon.	abuseis that the end of the story! it cant be plz plz plz continue! how can that be the end! plz do more plz!
Smoo231 2008-01-10 ch 27,	abuseWow, any particular reason for that ending? So, Now that you can write well, I suggest putting that imagination to work and coming up with a new story, if you don't already have an idea. Give the plot and characters more thought and use that great talent for describing detail. You may want to consider writing some short stories to experiment with different writting techniques. Well, that was one story I have read on ethis site that did not make my eyes bleed. Thank you for that.
KuroKage1717 2007-12-28 ch 27,	abusethat's a rather sad ending, but at least chaise didn't die. and is syron really dead, or is he just hovering around, waiting for the next moment? i'm sorta confused about that. but a very nice story, over all. great job!
Twilight Starr 2007-12-28 ch 27,	abuseThis ending made me cry. It's so sad. Syron deserves to die a horrible, long death over and over again. Poor Chaise. Nice work. ~Twilight Starr~
Smoo231 2007-12-20 ch 26,	abuseI believe this is by far your best chapter yet. I'm still unhappy with the story, but your technique was superb. Very good imagry and descriptions (you seem to have a knack for that), good action too, drawn out to just the right length. However, I see little point in Tidus' death. I somewhat forget who he even was. Oh well, thats not important. The ending was good to where you left a bit of a cliffhanger to keep the suspense going. Doubled up with that slightly ominous metaphor... yes, very pretty chapter.
WishIWasAnEagle 2007-12-04 ch 26,	abuselove your story very captivating please update again soon
Twilight Starr 2007-12-04 ch 26,	abuseGreat, dramatic chapter. I liked the ending the best. Fantastic work. ^^ Have a lovely day. ~Twilight Starr~
KuroKage1717 2007-12-04 ch 26,	abuseYA HA! syron is dead, syron is dead! he sure took a long time to die. Although, you didn't really torture him and make him suffer. oh well, at least he's dead and gone, and poor chaise can get all better and rule the country happily ever after!
Smoo231 2007-11-26 ch 25,	abuseI've got a few gripes for you... gripes of wrath... One, the cliched-ness! it burns! ...seriously Kiore falling for Syron? weird and somewhat disgusting... Two, i'm beginning to question the character development in the story. to put it bluntly, theyre all pretty flat. They have one sided personalities and the motivations are questionable. It'd be good to have more backround information about the character, like what happened in their life to make them think this way. You've mentioned things a couple times but theres not nearly enough. uhh, there was one more... oh, i noticed you put "half and hour" a couple times. properly, its "half an hour", just incase you didn't know. aside from my gripes... tensly written. a little too much at times, you go fast and one action blurrs with the next. take your time, use more punctuation, and make sure everything makes sense in those fast paced moments. Also good scene setting. you're still doing a good job of describing enviorments and such. Whoo that was long! ok i'm done.
gina 2007-11-25 ch 25, anon.	abuseyour story is so great you write with such descriptive language plz update soon

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