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| lovexalways 2007-09-05 ch 2,  | abuseaw! |
| under the influence 2007-09-04 ch 2, | abuseIn my opinion, it did move too quickly. An explanation for how Keith and Seth ended up buddies would have been good. I found it kind of strange that Keith wanted to pummel the guy at the beach the day before and was now sending him after Joss... Also, if Seth was intent on calming her down after her shower, I'm not sure that swearing at her would work. I get more worked up when people swear at me and want to beat them all the more. Just a few grammatical things: 'She was still inattentive as the teacher screamed her name twice to indicate where the new kid would sit – next to her – and deaf to him as he apologized to the new student saying she wasn’t normally like this.'...this sentence really doesn't make sense...well the last part doesn't anyway. 'During the rest of the day, Jocelyn still had three other classes with Seth besides Pre-Calculus' you can take out the first part--it's not necessary. 'she wanted to spat at him.'...either she 'spat' or 'wanted to spit' I don't want to be all critical. The storyline is good and has a lot of potential...I'm looking forward to reading more :) |
| under the influence 2007-09-04 ch 1, | abuseinteresting start...will be looking forward to more :) |
| karina 2007-08-31 ch 1, anon. | abuseUPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! PLZ PLZ! can't wait for more! |
| lovexalways 2007-08-27 ch 1, | abuseah this is really good im dying to know what happens!! please continue! |
| Preethy 2007-08-26 ch 1, anon. | abuseI love it! =) |