FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| IntelligentNonsense 2007-12-08 ch 1,  | abuseVery nice, my friend. I love it when people open stories with something seemingly insignificant in order to bring up a more valid point somewhere along the timeline of the play. I don't know if you planned on doing that or not, but bravo nonetheless. :) |
| Seattle grunge-love 2007-11-24 ch 1, | abuseOK, I have no idea what's going on in this, but the argument made me smile, as did the character's dialogue. I have two 'corrections' for you: 1. In the second paragraph, describing Ada, you wrote, "...her features were far more softer;" but I think, although I'm not quite sure, that "...her features were softer..." or "...her features were far more soft..." would be more grammatically correct. 2. In the very last sentence, "...and read where he had last..." should be "...and began to read where he had last..." Other than that, it was pretty good, and I look forward to reading more. The characters are very intruiging! |