Reviews for Endless - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Endless - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

sparklesparkle 2008-07-15 ch 1,	abuseThe imagery is fantastic, it creates this sense of fragility and beauty to the poem and the condition, something the references to the glass seem to reinforce. 'collarbones are elegant, but ribs are for the simply elite' This is a great line, but the word simply feels a bit awkward to me. Nonetheless, a lovely use of words for the topic, they really illustrate the image well.
Solemn Coyote 2008-04-21 ch 1,	abuseI think I've got a pretty good idea what this one's about. Well written, though. 1)"(- No, not a dress: a merciless motivation)." minor nitpicks: the period might belong on the inside of the parenthesis. Also, the hyphen makes sense, but it kinda clashes with the way the poem looks. 2)"Collar bones are elegant, but ribs are for the simply elite" that's an excellent line, for the strangeness of the image it presents and for the idea that follows along behind it. 3)"All she can feel is the cool glass against her fingers" I assume that's a reference to the 'crystal flute', which is the only part of this poem that leaves me scratching my head. The rest of it feels like a portrait of anorexia, complete with the need for control, so the ball metaphors make sense. However, I'm...oh, wait. 'flute' is describing a part of the glass. Okay. In that case, you may want to introduce the fact that she's holding a glass before you describe it. So long as it doesn't interfere with the flow of the poem. 4)Overall, this is an excellent poem, of a caliber that I wish I could write. Which is why I nitpicked it pretty hard. If there are parts of this review that you disagree with, feel free to disregard them. -SC
One-Hand Clap 2008-04-19 ch 1,	abuseIt's so lovely, the damn imagery of this poem! I felt as if I was there. And the choice of wording! 'stately blue veins standing shilouette' - just, wow! It was great! I also loved the theme of the poem - I think every female has been there, one time or another, so it makes it extremely relatable. Well done! - Clap Trap, from Review Marathon {link in profile}
PheonixLament 2008-04-16 ch 1,	abusethis is absolutely the PERFECT poem to describe the obsession with "thin." It's just perfect in every single way. I think this is my favorite poem that I've read on this site, very very well written. Not a single word out of place. Amazing job.
clockwork Kiss 2008-04-15 ch 1,	abusemy favorite lines are "And her hipbones strain against the silk (- No, not a dress: a merciless motivation)". they're great. i knew what this poem was about before i got farther just from this. i like the brutality, i can see her saying it with a cynical smile... i think this captures the mood best. the rest of the poem is great and very flowy, but i think it is almost to pretty and not savage enough. the 4th stanza works well for this and was really good. anyways, nice job! :)
brevis 2008-03-17 ch 1,	abuseLovely. I'm struck dumb.
diffident 2008-03-12 ch 1,	abuseI like the juxtaposition of the light motifs in the poem--the flowing, white, silk gown; white skin; pale champagne in a crystal flute; etc--and the dark theme behind it all. marie
.cupids.battlefield. 2008-01-07 ch 1,	abuse"A fragile, tinkling sound like breaking hearts." Beautiful, hauntingly so. ~ CB
kenansense 2008-01-06 ch 1,	abuseThe way you write, the mental picture you paint, is so carefully crafted and intricate...and it imparts an unbelievable feeling to your readers, as if they're literally staring at her... And the character, created in so few lines, still burns bright in the mind. She seems realistic - I mean, I'm sure her situation has happened before in real life. Thanks for sharing this - have you been published yet? Because I think you'd get published in a heartbeat...
.she.screamED.fantasies. 2007-12-28 ch 1,	abuseThis was a fantastic poem. The flow was absolutely perfect and the imagery was positively awesome.
girl without wings 2007-11-24 ch 1,	abuseI am reviewing everyone who has listed me as a favorite author, as a small way of saying thank you for the support. So, here is my thank-you to you. This is a great piece. The images are fantastically clear and tangible. I feel like I’ve been given a glimpse of a person I will not easily forget. I liked all of this, but my favorite lines were, “She laughs at something she didn’t hear/ (A fragile, tinkling sound like breaking hearts)”. Great work. Keep writing!
Eskimo0619 2007-10-28 ch 1,	abuseWow... and I'm simply complimenting you because you had to me. This makes me scary-envious. Okay, not really, but that's my flaw haha I'm amazed, to be frank. I'm guessing eating disorder as well? Hate to overstep any boundaries but ... you know. Keep in touch anyway you want to; email, AIM(reinadenoche13). if youneed/want to. :) And keep writing. This gave me goodbump estella.
XsilentXescapeX 2007-09-14 ch 1,	abuseI really liked this. I love all the imagery in it. Its a very strong piece. Do i get cookies? haha ~silent
CrazyTurtles 2007-09-13 ch 1,	abuseVery sad. I like how you have it like a beautiful image then add something that makes her seem not so perfect. Still sad, but great job.
Katharos Kori 2007-09-12 ch 1,	abuseVery beautiful, all the visuals were stunning.

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