Reviews for Lost Heaven, Part One: Awakening

Reviews For: Lost Heaven, Part One: Awakening

kuriqa
2007-11-19
ch 2,

abuseNO! aww **! i had written so much in here while i was reading... and then i was stupid and pressed the review button! WAH! anywhozers... i found several parts where you forgot to put it in third person... and one really funny oops...
“I’m a big boy, Loren. - lol... i thought rae was a girl! lol... anyways, as i was reading i was saying stuff like, ok, jess is kairi, kairi had had a crush on sora, i wonder if that carried over, guess i'll find out... and that riku and sora have a scene in the bathroom after the chemestry insident (i think it was after chem) but rae is female and jesse is male... how is THAt going to translate over? and ugh, jesse and joel, why in the name of all things gay did both their names have to start with a j? and aw you made riku's silver hair balck... that makes me really sad... and like, sora and roxas have this 'love' thing that i don't think would work very well with rae and loren, but i could be wrong... oi... i'm so stupid... i really am for pushing the button... if i hadn't i wouldn't have to remember all the little things i had written... oh! and the way you describe the cafeteria pizza always makes me laugh... my high school had really good pizza... our middle schools however, had disgusting pizza, it tasted/looked like cardboard and plastic and always managed to smell like **... lol... anyways, i think you should let me be your editor, i already 'know' the story, so it won't ruin anything for me... and i can tell that you really need a final editor that isn't you... but so far i think it's interesting to put new characters to a familiar story... can't wait for the next one...

kuriqa
2007-11-19
ch 1,

abusehm... so far so similar... lol... nice name... raegan huh... not one i would have chosen, but oh well... you tend to choose more normalish english names... while i prefer to use japanese names... lol... ok, onto the next chapter...
k

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