i adore ur opening paragraph, it got me imediately interested which is the whole point, so well done *claps*

i really like this short, but i do have a few critiques:

number 1, try using a bigger variety of words. u kept using the word 'plopped' in this story, try using something different instead.

number 2, the rhyme at the end... it isnt balanced so it doesnt work to well. take the 'maybe' out and it should work.

hope this helps ^^

kat

xx