First off, it's FAR TOO repetitive! Lord, you didn't need to repeat the chorus' OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Secondly, it doesn't rhyme, and it has no real rhyme or even rhythm scheme to it. Do you play guitar? Piano?... Probably not, because I'd really like to hear you actually try to put those lyrics to music... no, actually, to be honest i wouldn't, because it would make a dreadful song... No offense, but you definetely work on your new stuff... like, actually being artistic with your writing. You sound like your seven... but, I'm a jerk... keep working at it.

i really like this one. It's god!