That was scary. ;)

Nice title.

Good job!

~Twilight Starr~

Very good piece, flowed well and I got a very vivid picture of what was happening.

You did have a few typo's, but everyone does.

It rocked my back and forth like a baby in its mother's arms,
I think the my should be a me.

I kept screaming, shouting, over and over again.,
You do not need a period and comma both.

your life flashes before you like a slideshow of happiness as your timing is ending
I think timing should just be time.

the force and strength of the wave was inhuman, it was supernatural
Of course the force of the wave was inhuman, it is an act of nature and not a human. I would consider rewording that snippet.

Yes I found a few grammatical errors but overall the story was very well thought out and told. Grammar can be easily fixed, especially with the story telling ability you seem to have, even in this genre.

i don't have any constructive critisism, oh wait. except there are small errors in your story, like missing words and spelling errors, but i am positive my stories have the same on NevilleandLuna lol.

But other than that all i have is this...


OMG! YOU FREAKED ME OUT!
IT WAS SO GOOD!! but i do have one question. The the last victim a girl or a guy? I think it was a girl.
I'm sry if you mentioned it in the story somewhere i might have missed it. But no matter, it was a GREAT story. And that too is one of my fears.

I give my own thumbs up! I love how everything is described, like how the oceans have a sort of personality on their own. I love the quote of "not doing so gracefully," that's pretty damn creative.

There were other things I was going to add, but the other reviewers got them already. Darn them--just kidding! It was just things on format issues and typoes.

This seems like it should be built on, somehow. Like it has potential to be more than just a oneshot. I guess it's just that good!

An interesting beginning. I like how the beginning that you have draws a person easily to read the chapter. Your starting descriptions of the pian the narrartor felt is great also.

"My breathe was coming out it short," 'breathe' should actualy be 'breath'.

"Their eyes were blank of liveful glints as they floated in the sodium filled liquid," 'liveful' doesn't sound right, 'lively' would possibly sound better.

I like how you describe her defaince to not give in to death at this part. How she refuses to give up, which in a small perecnt is helping her, but also intensifying her torture.

This was an interesting first chapter. I would advise you to revise ti just to make sure that everything in it is the exact way that you want it to be. The grammar in the stori is good, as well as the story is catching.

C.S.

The format was a little messed up in some places but fictionpress is good for that.

I love the summary and last two sentences of the chapter. They're very insightful and you should probably patent them.

You had some semicolon issues and other grammatical problems.

"Here I was, surrounded by the victims, surrounded by the murderer..."
Beautiful imagery. This was my favorite line.
There were some spelling typos (clam instead of calm and like instead of life) that can be easily fixed.
Other than that, it was haunting. I too fear drowning and being lost in the ocean and that sentiment was captured quite effectively here.

-J.A.