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| Edgar Wellington 2007-09-01 ch 1,  | abuseOverall I really like this poem. You capture very well the mood. Right from the beginning "Uniform days with dim/Prospectives..." I like the word choice of "uniform" because there can be many senses in which a word like this applies. It is a foreshadowing of your waitress metaphor. Connected with prospectives gives it that work-like sense. I like the way you give exactly the information to set the stage, so to speak. blank page, handful of pens, no motive (again another potential multi-meaning word use here...since it could refer to a criminal sense as well as a lack of initiative), shaky from too much coffee, etc. I love the way you place the whole despairing situation as being edged by work in the evening, which puts the poem into a real life context. Then you turn it into an ugly metaphor and end it with a great down-beat line "A numb nod of heads to the beat." The one quibble I might make is with the word "Catastrophe" which doesn't seem to fit with the drawn-out, unmotivated, despairing doldrums... |