lol, well apparently you *weren't* on my alerts already...*checks box* ha-chacha! well, there you are xD

I really liked that you used "Oppah" ^_^ Shows a lot more to have that in there then to say what nationality they are. xD

bit of c.c.: I felt that the scene between Jane and Karen seemed a little abrupt, and a little out of place. Abrupt because you went instantly from introducing your two, currently nameless main characters (who have just been thrown together--he answers the door--and a conflict has arisin--he falls) to introducing two minor characters. At least, they're minor to the reader, because you have yet to make the reader care about the characters...we care about the nameless girl because we feel her anxiety, we care about "Oppah" because he just fell...we have no reference to what "wedding" is being discussed" or why Jane and Karen banter as they do...we have yet to understand *why* we should care about *them*, but understand very well *why* we need/should/do care about the two nameless characters. We'd *rather* care about them, and so by leaving the two characters you've attached your readers to, you're turning your reader off the main subject: your two main character's relationship. Not that I'm saying it's a bad thing to do, I just think you did it too soon. =D

I think the passage feels out of place because of the shift in mood, tone etc. It causes the rest of the chapter surrounding it (which flows well on its own) to *seem* choppy.

Personally, I would suggest taking the passage and adding it to the very beginning of the second chapter (possibly lengthen it to entail the entire second chapter, which would firmly establish Jane and Karen as secondary/main characters, as I'm assuming was your intent...?). If you had a particular reason to have the passage in the first chapter, I would begin with that...although then you may run into the problem of your reader confusing Jane/Karen with "she" until you name her.

But of course, this is all just my opinion...accept it, laugh at it, burn it as you see fit =D So far I like where this is going plot-wise, and I'm looking forward to see what you're going to do with it xD

I really like your writing style. It all flowed perfectly and made you want to keep reading. You can't simply stop reading something that's written so well. I do hope you write more. I have to read it. :)