 Arn 2008-01-12 . chapter 1Well, I think I'd give this a question mark on where it's going, seems somewhat interesting, but stunning descriptions! Actually, that's the good part about this, the imagery.
"Garments made by sweat and spear"
"Aroma of blood roasting in the sands"
"indistinct as dragonfly's wings on a summer day"
The feeling of euphoria at the end could somewhat be felt by the reader.
Very nicely done. |
 Marie Ellen 2007-08-31 . chapter 1Your writing is just so PRETTY. It's dreamlike and soft and fragrant like Delphina's flowers. I'm so impressed with the way Artemas, the elder, and Delphina are all made solid in just over 500 words of writing. With only a sentence or two you evoked something essential about each of them. This is lovely. Keep working on it! |