FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| For What Its Worth 2007-09-02 ch 1,  | abuseThis is both sad and joyous. And again, of something not understood. There is far too much of that in the world. So does this one have a story behind it? |
| lieutenant razor 2007-08-31 ch 1, | abuseAbsolutely gorgeous! I always envy people who can rhyme things without making it sound forced or awkward, which is exactly what you've done. Everything flows together beautifully, and the fact that it rhymes really strengthens the whole piece. Another thing I liked was how some of your objects were capitolized, it made them that much more powerful. "With skin like spider’s web and dust" is probably my favorite line, just because it's such a wonderful image :) I would have never thought of a ghost's skin being like that. I probably wouldn't have thought to describe their skin at all. Great description. The only suggestion I have is you might want to find a way to break it up a little bit, I'm not sure where, but right now it's just this giant block. I dunno, it's not that big a deal. |